IN COND 1,
A.)Drop mag
B.)Disengage thumb safety
C.)Place your opposing hand over breech port and pull slide back and lock it.
You've now rendered your weapon safe.
If you can't do simple ABC's your next step is to take safe weapon to a Gun store and sell it. NO NEED in stressing your gray matter further.



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This is all way too complicated. Get yourselves a Glock, chamber a round, and holster it. It's not rocket science. 






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It's easy as 1, 2, 3, A, B, C.
I've always found this song to be rather patriotic, BTW. 
