Ol Blue

[Sheldon]

A cowboy from Texas goes off to college, but half way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money. He calls home.

"Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Dallas that will teach our dog, Ol' Blue how to talk!"

"That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?"

"Just send him down here with $1,000" the young cowboy says. "I'll get him in the course." So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.

About two-thirds through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.

"So how's Ol' Blue doing, son," his father asks.

"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!"

"Read!" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?"

"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."

The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither her talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog.

When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited. "Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!"

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does.

Then he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still messing' around with that little redhead who lives in town?' "

The father exclaimed, "I hope you shot that son of a gun before he talks to your Mother!"

"I sure did, Dad!"

"That's my boy!"

The kid went on to be a successful Liberal lawyer

[Ektarr]

Sorta reminds me of the story of the talking dog . . .

Walking the roads of Alabama one fine afternoon a saleman spots a sign on a lawn: "Talking Dog For Sale".

Well, being a curious sort our friend decides he has to see this for himself so he walks up to the door and knocks. A fella comes to the door and our friend asks, "Uhh...you got a talking dog?"

The fella answers, "Yeah."

Our friend says, "Can I see him?"

"Sure," the fella says. "He's in the back."

So our hero goes 'round the back of the house and there in the middle of the lawn is a big yellow Lab. Our friend walks over to the dog, hunkers down alongside him, leans in a bit and asks gently, "You talk?"

The Lab rolls his head around to regard the salesman and says rather plainly, "Yeah."

Incredulous, our friend has to inquire further. "Well, how did THIS come about?", he asks.

The dog heaved a sigh as if he's told this story a hundred times, but he begins...

"Well, I realized I could talk when I was just a pup. I worked on my skills and got pretty good at it! The CIA got wind of me and came to see, and they made me an Agent. I travelled the world, and was their best Agent for several years. But I got tired of that, and after 9-11 went to work for Homeland Security. I was their best investigator!! Who'd think about it? A dog can wander anywhere and people will say all kinds of things in front of him without hesitation! I won a lot of awards and made some very significant busts. But I'm getting tired of all that now. I want to retire with a nice family...raise some pups...and live out the rest of my life in peace."

Our friend is flabberghasted!! What a find!! He turns to the owner: "How much do you want for this dog?", he asks.

The guy thinks for a minute, then says, "Ahhh...gimme 10 bucks."

"TEN DOLLARS?!?" Our friend is astonished! "That's ridiculous! How can you let such a dog go for such a cheap price??"

The owner replies, "Aww, he's a damn liar...! He never did any of that stuff!"

[Ektarr]

. . . then remind me to tell you the story of the Stuttering Cat.

:bier:

[kwo51]

I have a Jack russel that climbs trees. To dumb to ask for help getting down just falls out.