The Pet Diaryes...

Sheldon · #1 09-05-2008, 11:52 AM

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary

* 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
* 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
* 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
* 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
* 12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
* 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
* 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
* 5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
* 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
* 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
* 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Diary

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!

The re was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow --but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now . . .

tattedupboy · #2 09-07-2008, 10:32 PM

Two days, and I'm the first one to post a reply on this thread?

Anyway, you had been doing well for a while there, Sheldon. Booooooooooo!

Sheldon · #3 09-07-2008, 11:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tattedupboy

Two days, and I'm the first one to post a reply on this thread?

Anyway, you had been doing well for a while there, Sheldon. Booooooooooo!

Obviously you are not a cat owner...

tattedupboy · #4 09-08-2008, 02:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sheldon

Obviously you are not a cat owner...

That's only because I live in an apartment and I'm not allowed to have one. So there

!

Sheldon · #5 09-08-2008, 02:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tattedupboy

That's only because I live in an apartment and I'm not allowed to have one. So there

!

N I bet they do not allow loaded guns either but that did not stop you did it, be brave and try a real challenge and get a cat, if you can put up with it you can live with any gal that may come along. BTY did I say that I have five adorable blue eyed kittens FREE to a good home!

Scarecrow · #6 09-09-2008, 07:18 AM

nice... dogs rule.. cats are evil.

tattedupboy · #7 09-09-2008, 09:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sheldon

N I bet they do not allow loaded guns either but that did not stop you did it, be brave and try a real challenge and get a cat, if you can put up with it you can live with any gal that may come along. BTY did I say that I have five adorable blue eyed kittens FREE to a good home!

Actually, the lease mentions nothing about firearms. As for my firearms, I've mentioned in other threads that I don't store my weapons with a round in the chamber. The only time any of my firearms has a round chambered is when I carry them.