My wife had the same reaction to an LCR. It was so hard for her small hands to pull the trigger she had trouble hitting anything with it. And shooting it stung her hand. Try as she might, after 15 rounds her hand just ached.
If you ever decide the LC9 isn't the right gun, I'd recommend trying a P238 with the extended magazine. My wife (70 years old with weak hands and fragile skin) loves that little gun. It has the easiest slide to rack on the planet. Excellent full size night sights standard. It can be loaded, unloaded, and cleared with the safety on if the hammer is cocked. It is a SAO gun, but that is one of the reasons she likes it - it has a nice crisp trigger with really short reset. She has no problem with the safety.
I loaded up some dummy rounds (brass, bullet, no powder or primer) for her to practice with till she can do the manual of arms and clear jams with out thinking. I'd creat the jams, including stove pipes with spent brass, double feeds, and have her clear them. We had fun doing that.
First time she fired it she turned her head to look at me and said "that is sooooooooooooo sweeeeeeeeeeeeeet!", went on to empty the magazine and ask for another one. She has put about 100 rounds of my reloads and 50 rounds of Hornady Critical Defense through it with no failures of any kind. She carries it way more than she carried any of her previous carry guns (SP101 and Ruger LCR).
Shown here with the extended magazine:
And my hand on it to show it does give pinky purchase with the extended grip:
My target, drawing and firing 6 shots in just under 4 seconds at an IPDA target @ 7 yards:
Wednesday, my hunting partner had his wife (69) shoot it. He's trying to get her to carry something more than her Kel-Tech P32. This is her first ever group with it from 21 feet:
That wasn't fast, maybe 2 seconds per shot, but it sure was accurate.
He called to tell me she had him stop at Gander Mt. on the way home so she could look at some more. He's started looking, she says she wants one.
I'm seriously considering getting a second one for this summer, I don't get to play with hers unless she's asleep.
Fitch