Wife Refuses to Carry
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Thread: Wife Refuses to Carry

  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Flint, Michigan

    Unhappy Wife Refuses to Carry

    Wife came home from work yesterday, shes the manager at a Borics in our area. She had a client come into her store shortly before closing who had caught her attention and was "weird" the kid apparently came in and immediately sat down, my wife was finishing up a hair cut on someone, and her co-worker was finishing a cut as well. My wife greeted the gentleman, and asked him if he signed in. The guy apparently kept his hands out of sight and kept his head down with a hoodie over his head. The man said no and gave the name John, when my wife asked his last name he apparently "ummed" a few times before giving an obvious false last name of "Smith."
    My wife finished with the person in her chair and called Mr. Smith back, the man came to her chair with his hands out of sight again, and looking at the floor. My wife said she was afraid he was going to put a gun in her face and rob her, [there have been a huge spike of armed robberies in the area as of late, almost a year long epidemic] just because of his behavior, she was even more alarmed to notice the man didnt need a hair cut, due to it looking as if it had already been cut within the last 2 days or so. But the wife asked him what he needed done, Mr. Smiths reply was, "I dont want to look at my face, dont turn me toward the mirror" so, she asked what kind of cut would he like. Mr Smith just said clean up the neck and side burns, and to her surprise, they didnt need to be touched up, but she figured in doing what he wanted anyway, just to get him out of the store as fast as possible.

    A few minutes went by, and the man got up, again keeping his hands completely out of sight and says "so what, 5.00 for the cut right?" My wife just says yes. Mr Smith says he left his wallet in his car. The man walked out and my wife immediately spoke to her co worker who had now been finished with her cut for a few minutes now and was sitting in the back room. Wife tells her, her client is acting real strange and that if the man didnt come back she would pay for the hair cut, but wanted her to be on her toes, she thinks the man is scouting them out for a robbery.
    With her co worker warned the man came back in, both hands behind his back, the man walked slowly to the register, wife said she must have looked like a deer in lights and the man pulled only 1 hand into sight keeping the other behind his back, the man put a 5 on the desk and said something to the effect of "were good now?" Wife just says yes and have a good day, the man stood there for a few seconds and walked out, still concealing his other hand.
    When the man left the wife locked the door and began closing, she says she had never been so scared, just by the guys actions and began thinking, "what if he robbed me" or wondering why he was being so "weird" however, she did get to see his face, only after doing the cut.

    After her telling me this, I figured it would be time to get her concealed pistol license, she loves to shoot, and "owns" a gun, I only put it in quotes because its actually my gun, but I leave it in her night stand for self defense at home while Im at work. Its a S&W 908, not the best gun out there, but its 9mm and she likes how it fits in her hand.
    I offered to pay for the class and the license for her, but she refused. Mind you, this isnt the only time shes had an issue while at work, on her way to work, or on her way home from some place. Shes been followed by a road rager, and forgotten her phone at home so she had to rely on some oil changing people to help her when the lunatic wouldnt leave her be, and kept following her, attempting to run her off the road over a simple mistake on the expressway. But to no success, the wife says "Im not like you, I cant carry a big gun at work" so I offered to get her the Ruger LC9 or a S&W Bodyguard, something small that she can very easily conceal, but she wont do it, she says shell keep her OC in her station just in case. I told her it was like bringing a knife to a gun fight, but shes comfortable with her method of self defense.

    Now, you see the issue, I dont know what to do, Im going to keep on her about it, however, all attempts, even after all issues considered, she refuses to take the class. I figure on dragging her in when I have to recert next year. Again, shes not opposed to guns, she just doesnt want to be the one to carry it, which is her right to choose not to carry, but, maybe ill have to let her see a few youtube videos, maybe those will help change her mind.

    Your thoughts?
    Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you, Jesus Christ and the American Soldier....One died for your soul; the other for your freedom.

  3. #2
    you are fighting a battle that you will never win, she will carry only when she decides that she needs/wants to carry, until then I would lay off

  4. #3
    Many people, not just females, cannot put their minds around the fact they might actually have to kill someone to save their own lives and oftentimes it is their own self-doubt that forces them to take the decision to NOT carry, rationalizing it by telling others and themselves that it won't happen to them. I don't have an easy answer to that. My wife doesn't carry either, but we live in a low crime area. My wife has a hard time racking a round or even pulling a double action trigger! I think if she had to in order to save her life, the adrenaline would probably give her enough strength to do it, but without that, it makes training very hard to do, almost impossible. She's just not very strong. It's almost amazing to watch her struggle to try and pull the trigger on any of my handguns in double action. She just can't do it. Single action (if I cock the hammer for her) is possible, but for obvious reasons, that isn't a good thing. Good luck to you in any case. Hopefully she will not be robbed.
    "Be vewy vewy quiet, I'm hunting wabbits" - Elmer Fudd
    NRA Life member
    GOA Life Member

  5. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Eagle Grove,Ia.
    Blog Entries
    I was one that didn't care one way or another about carrying until I was caught looking down the barrel of a gun on the wrong end. I now carry every where.
    She won't carry until she's ready, & by that I mean until she decides that she may have to take someones life.

  6. #5
    You will only make you situation worse if you continue your prescribed course of action. She is the one who needs to be comfortable with the idea and some day she will surprise you and you will be able to say finally. Until them let her be with her own sense of security and keep taking her to the range shooting since she likes to do that already. She may get to know some females that carry and they may help you down the road. Be safe and Be patient.
    I'd rather be a Conservative Nutjob. Than a Liberal with NO Nuts & NO Job

  7. My wife, while owning a .38 special, will not have the mindset to pull the trigger on someone who threatens her with grave bodily harm. She is scared to death of guns, and that may be her undoing, in her time of need. I've had instructors work with her, put in a half dozen or so range sessions, where she likes it when she hits silhouettes, but to turn the revolver (she can't rack slides, arm shattered in accident) in her self defense, against a human, not going to happen.

    Some people, men and women alike, have fears that for whatever reasons, are built into their psychological makeup. It's just the way it is. My wife won't carry, but knows how to shoot with her nightstand .38 special, and that's all I may hope for. We don't talk about it any more. I don't mention mindset and protecting her life any more as well.

    Don't push it, it is what it is.
    I'm a firm believer in two term limits for all politicians; one in office, the other in prison.

  8. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Saginaw, Michigan
    My wife had a severe conflict (don't we all?) when presented with the question of whether to shoot another human being in order to be able to continue to stay alive.

    And that conflict was resolved when I asked her if she would shoot a predator trying to rape and kill her grand daughter. And if she was willing to do that then why wouldn't she be willing to shoot a rapist trying to rape and kill herself... so she could stay alive to protect her grand daughter from that rapist.

  9. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Pittsburgh, PA
    My thoughts.... quit bugging her.

    If she'll come around, she'll come around, but you insisting she come around, may actually do more damage than good. If the conversation comes up, yes say something, but I'd stop going out my way to try to "convince" her.

    It has been my experience that no amount of "convincing" is helpful. State the facts, lead by an example, and if she chooses to carry someday, she will. You can't force someone to do something they are not comfortable to do.
    "Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well armed lamb contesting the vote."
    ~ Benjamin Franklin (maybe)

  10. #9
    Good Luck. Hope she stays safe.

  11. #10
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Gray, Georgia, United States
    My wife refuses to carry also. She said she would carry pepper spray and matbe a tazer. She does not think crime is as bad in our area as it is. She can shot any gun I have, pistol, revolver, rifle, or shot gun, so that is not the problem either. I just hope nothing bad happens to her.

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