What Would You Say? - Page 2
Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 19 of 19

Thread: What Would You Say?

  1. #11
    Peggy if it could or would help I am willing to contact Chad and be a sort of pen-pal if you think it might help and if you think that he would try it. I'm an old Biker who's mellowed over the years and have unfortunately dealt with way too much death in my life. It shapes your character whether you want it to or not. None of us are capable of knowing God's plan, so we just have to trust in him. Chad will survive, but our job is to try and make it a little easier for him and others. Please let me know if I can be of any help to you! God Bless and hang in there. We're here for you. Later,

    "Those who talk, Don't Do. Those who do, Don't Talk."
    Dennis in Idaho
    "Citizenship requires three boxes: "The Ballot Box,
    The Jury Box, and the Cartridge Box." Fredrick Douglas

  2.   
  3. #12
    Quote Originally Posted by DLeeHarley View Post
    Peggy if it could or would help I am willing to contact Chad and be a sort of pen-pal if you think it might help and if you think that he would try it. I'm an old Biker who's mellowed over the years and have unfortunately dealt with way too much death in my life. It shapes your character whether you want it to or not. None of us are capable of knowing God's plan, so we just have to trust in him. Chad will survive, but our job is to try and make it a little easier for him and others. Please let me know if I can be of any help to you! God Bless and hang in there. We're here for you. Later,

    "Those who talk, Don't Do. Those who do, Don't Talk."
    I don't know for sure if he would or not. I'm guessing probably not, but I'll see if I can find out.
    I did get some real good news today from him. One of the things he was most worried about was the guy's family also blaming him. His widow and his three kids all support him and agree that he's entirely blameless. So that was a big load off his mind. I think he finally realizes it probably would have happened anyway. The hardest thing for him now is working in his store where it happened and seeing it happen again every time he thinks about it.

  4. #13
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    The Lowcountry of South Carolina
    Posts
    2,039
    If it came up, I would ask Chad why the man was fired. Chances are that the man had problems that were already to the point that they were effecting his job. Those problems, not the firing, was what creqated the situation. Could be that the man was looking for a reason to kill himself for a while and just wanted someone to blame. As has been said here, no one that is in their right mind would commit suicide, and this was obviously a premeditated act with vengeful motives.
    Chief

  5. #14
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Pittsburgh, PA
    Posts
    3,832
    To see a man die, especially that violently will take time to get over... he will most likely never get over seeing that.

    Concerning blaming himself, revisit the situation with him... when it is possible. Ask him, would he have kept the man on in his employ? The answer is going to be no. Ask him if he had ever fired anyone else. The answer will probably be yes. Gently, let him realize that the reaction to being fired is completely up to the individual getting fired. We cannot control what other people do. We have control over only two things, what we say and what we do. While it is difficult, and he will continue to question whether he could have done anything differently, the truth of the matter is, this other gentleman had very serious problems that would have required professional treatment to correct or keep under control. Your friend is not a licensed psychologist, psychiatrist, or therapist... there was nothing he could have done, and there may have been nothing any of those professionals could have done either.

    My heart and prayers go out to your friend.
    "Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well armed lamb contesting the vote."
    ~ Benjamin Franklin (maybe)

  6. #15
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Pittsburgh, PA
    Posts
    3,832
    Quote Originally Posted by Peggy Reist View Post
    I don't know for sure if he would or not. I'm guessing probably not, but I'll see if I can find out.
    I did get some real good news today from him. One of the things he was most worried about was the guy's family also blaming him. His widow and his three kids all support him and agree that he's entirely blameless. So that was a big load off his mind. I think he finally realizes it probably would have happened anyway. The hardest thing for him now is working in his store where it happened and seeing it happen again every time he thinks about it.
    That's good news that the family shared with him. That will go a long way toward healing.
    "Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well armed lamb contesting the vote."
    ~ Benjamin Franklin (maybe)

  7. #16
    Quote Originally Posted by whodat2710 View Post
    If it came up, I would ask Chad why the man was fired. Chances are that the man had problems that were already to the point that they were effecting his job. Those problems, not the firing, was what creqated the situation. Could be that the man was looking for a reason to kill himself for a while and just wanted someone to blame. As has been said here, no one that is in their right mind would commit suicide, and this was obviously a premeditated act with vengeful motives.
    Yes, I think you're right. It was known that he'd been suffering from depression and apparently it WAS affecting his work. And getting himself fired may have even been part of his plan to throw the blame on someone else.

  8. #17
    Quote Originally Posted by wolf_fire View Post
    To see a man die, especially that violently will take time to get over... he will most likely never get over seeing that.

    Concerning blaming himself, revisit the situation with him... when it is possible. Ask him, would he have kept the man on in his employ? The answer is going to be no. Ask him if he had ever fired anyone else. The answer will probably be yes. Gently, let him realize that the reaction to being fired is completely up to the individual getting fired. We cannot control what other people do. We have control over only two things, what we say and what we do. While it is difficult, and he will continue to question whether he could have done anything differently, the truth of the matter is, this other gentleman had very serious problems that would have required professional treatment to correct or keep under control. Your friend is not a licensed psychologist, psychiatrist, or therapist... there was nothing he could have done, and there may have been nothing any of those professionals could have done either.

    My heart and prayers go out to your friend.
    I think that once someone makes up their mind to kill themselves, no one, no matter how experienced or educated, is going to talk them out of it. I've actually had two nephews kill themselves the same way. One of them WAS with a licensed therapist, the other one was with a sheriff. Neither one could talk them out of it.

  9. #18
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Republic of Dead Cell Holler, Occupied Territories of AL, former USA
    Posts
    7,422
    One day in 2006 I got a call from my aunt. She told me that my only sister had committed suicide. My sister had a life-time of mental illness, and had made at least 20 (mostly half-hearted) attempts over the years, so though shocking and sad when I first heard the news, it wasn't a huge surprise. Libby and I had been estranged for many years. The only child she had, a son, had a horrible life of being bounced around from family members' homes to complete strangers to him. My wife and I had him for a short period when he was a year old, but because of Libby's and my subsequent estrangement, and us moving far away from where Libby lived, he grew up with only Libby's version of who "Uncle Blues" was. My aunt told me in that phone call that he wanted to talk to me and gave me his phone number.

    He was 21 when I called him. The conversation was awkward and uncomfortable at first, but it soon came out that he was the one who found her and his two toddler children were with him. Libby's long, rambling suicide note included several references to blaming my nephew for all her problems. She did the exact same thing on her first suicide attempt in like '76 or thereabouts, with our mother. Somebody else was always to blame for her problems, and they were responsible for her self-destructive actions, not herself. I came to understand that it was part of her mental illness, but it was very difficult to allow that understanding to override the resentment I had for all the problems she caused my family throughout the years. When I started hearing how bad my nephew had it throughout his childhood, I couldn't imagine how he could ever come to that understanding and let go of his resentment and hurt. So I just talked to him about all the common experiences we had in life, both concerning his mom, and the similar circumstances of our respective childhoods. His dad was never in his life, neither was mine. He got in a lot of trouble as a kid, so did I. He dropped out of high school, so did I. He was a drug addict at an early age, so was I. Somehow we had picked up very similar interests, motorcycles, guns, hunting, the outdoors, so it was real easy to relate. I had no profound enlightenment to give him, just concerned conversation, but both of us came away from that nearly four-hour conversation with an epiphany that neither of us was alone in our experiences. We weren't as unique as either of us thought. Hundreds of thousands of people go through what we've been through, and survive and thrive for the rest of their productive and fulfilling lives.

    Bottom line, just be an ear to hear and a shoulder to cry on for Chad, and let him get it all out of his system in his own time. His faith should make a huge difference for him. I acquired faith after all that happened with my sister and her son. The whole 20+ year episode was a huge burden that knowing our Lord has relieved me of. Good luck and God Bless you for caring. As hard as it might be for Chad right now, he knows that you care and are there for him.

    Blues

  10. #19
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    State of Confusion
    Posts
    7,733
    It isn't Chad's fault. He cannot be responsible for the acts of desperate or disturbed persons.
    .
    Tell Chad this for me.... Last June I was working back by my barn and heard a single pop. There's only a few houses in my area and gunshots are a regular thing. I didn't think much about it. A few minutes later my wife came back and said four police cars just flew up our road with lights on. She could see they stopped at our next neighbor's house; about 1/4 mile up the road. They wee our fiends and neighbors for 20 years and he had a bad heart. She walked-up the road to make sure all was OK. A few minutes later the phone rang in the barn. It was my wife. She said "get up here now." I ran up the trail connecting the properties and found my wife holding their 25-year-old daughter, who was screaming hysterically. Police were in the house. Her mom had put a .38 in her mouth and fired. She was dead lying on her bed. She was a disabled/retired LEO with uncontrollable spinal pain and multiple surgeries. She couldn't take it anymore.
    .
    Here's the problem... A few weeks earlier, while having dinner at our home she mentioned she had no ammo for her .38. Husband worked nights. She asked if I had a box I could give her. I gave her a box of Speer Gold Dot HP .38 cal. She used one of those rounds to kill herself. I was a wreck over it for 9 months. I stopped teaching. But how could I have known? She seemed so normal. 30 years earlier I was teaching computer science at a small college and she was one of my students. Very bright. I spoke to her the day before and she was happy ad giddy. Just an hour before her suicide she gave a big wave to my friend as he left my house. We couldn't have ever thought this would happen.
    .
    I had to ponder it for some time. I finally came to the resolution that it was inevitable and the fact that I gave her a box of HP's didn't make me responsible. Your friend will need reinforcement from his friends and perhaps a professional. But he cannot accept blame for this person's actions.
    .
    My wife found our little guy when he was murdered many years back. He was a little boy. Just nine-years-old. Stabbed 22 times and molested. He was still alive but died in her arms en route to the hospital. All these years later that scene is still vivid in her mind. She still has nightmares. You see, one can't "un-see" these things. That vision may stick in Chad's mind for decades to come. I would be willing to talk to him if you'd like.
    GOD, GUNS and GUITARS

Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Quantcast