What Would You Say?
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Thread: What Would You Say?

  1. #1

    What Would You Say?

    What would you say to someone who blames himself for a guy's suicide? A close friend of ours was put in one of the most terrible positions imaginable. A man he had fired about a week before walked into his business a few days ago waving around a gun. He told our friend, Chad where to stand, where he was going to stand and what was going to happen. Chad had about 15 minutes to try and talk him out of it and all the time, the guy was saying how Chad had ruined his life and it was all his fault. Then he proceeded to blow his brains all over the store.
    Naturally Chad blames himself and he was probably wondering if he was going to shoot him too.
    I know there's nothing I can say to him that's going to make everything all right, but I don't want the guilt eating him up and maybe ending up the same way. I know I could suggest he see a therapist and talk it out and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't do it.

    Have any of you had any experience with something like this? I don't know what to say to him.

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  3. #2
    Similar... Suicide is a selfish self centered act.
    A year from now that man may have had a better job, more income, happier, he just couldn't see to the end of the troubles.
    There is a book about the people who survived jumping from the Golden Gate Bridge.
    The Jumpers: What Happens After a Person Jumps off the Golden Gate Bridge and Survives | Psychology Today
    this I believe is a story from it.
    It may give perspective.
    A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state,
    the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.

  4. #3
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    It isn't Chad's fault.
    Simple as that. Chad may have difficulty accepting it, but it is still the truth.
    ...SCOTUS says we're right...You don't like it. I'm sorry you don't like it. I guess that's a problem for you. Some people don't like gays. Some don't like alcohol. Some don't like meat. ~michaelzwilliamson

  5. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Gallstones View Post
    It isn't Chad's fault.
    Simple as that. Chad may have difficulty accepting it, but it is still the truth.
    Oh I know it's not his fault. And deep down, so does he, even though the guy told him it was. I'm just at a loss for words to make him feel better.

  6. There probably isn't much you could say to Chad to ease his feelings instead, continue showing him support. As the ole saying goes (don't tell me, show me). As kramer1113 said pick up a copy of the The Jumpers.

    Try to get Chad involved in other activities to occupy his time. I know it's easier said, then done. by your post I can tell that your a good friend. That's the most important thing Chad needs right now. Having a friend, or friends like you is the best medicine he could receive.

    It's important to keep an eye on him during these troubling times. That's a very traumatic event to witness, and he could develop PTSD, or Survivals Quilt. I sincerely hope all turns out well for your friend Chad.

    Sent from my AT300SE using Tapatalk 4 Beta

  7. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Peggy Reist View Post
    Oh I know it's not his fault. And deep down, so does he, even though the guy told him it was. I'm just at a loss for words to make him feel better.
    Hey Peggy,

    I don't know if you read the Jumper link I posted, but all in all the man who shot himself just didn't understand that brighter days were ahead, and Life is a gift.

    If anything, I guess you could tell your friend that People get fired every day, and rational people don't kill them selves after being fired. Rational people don't kill themselves at all come to think of it.
    There were more than likely other pressures in the mans life that he felt grew to be overwhelming based on losing his job.

    Heck, this past June, after 19 years as an Administrator for my company, they did away with the position I held. I was able to stay with the company but in a production position. Better days ahead and I just don't know Gods plan for me.
    A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state,
    the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.

  8. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by usmeu25 View Post
    There probably isn't much you could say to Chad to ease his feelings instead, continue showing him support. As the ole saying goes (don't tell me, show me). As kramer1113 said pick up a copy of the The Jumpers.

    Try to get Chad involved in other activities to occupy his time. I know it's easier said, then done. by your post I can tell that your a good friend. That's the most important thing Chad needs right now. Having a friend, or friends like you is the best medicine he could receive.

    It's important to keep an eye on him during these troubling times. That's a very traumatic event to witness, and he could develop PTSD, or Survivals Quilt. I sincerely hope all turns out well for your friend Chad.

    Sent from my AT300SE using Tapatalk 4 Beta
    As USMEU25 suggested get Chad involved with activities with groups of others who have had similar experiences. Like maybe the survivors wife's and or husband's of other suicide victims. A lot of these org's have links to support groups. My best friend committed suicide and to this day I continue to ask myself could I have done anything to change the outcome? This I believe will help Chad to realize that he's not alone in his situation. God Bless All & Later,

    Dennis in Idaho
    "Those who talk, Don't do. Those who do, Don't Talk!"
    Dennis in Idaho
    "Citizenship requires three boxes: "The Ballot Box,
    The Jury Box, and the Cartridge Box." Fredrick Douglas

  9. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by DLeeHarley View Post
    As USMEU25 suggested get Chad involved with activities with groups of others who have had similar experiences. Like maybe the survivors wife's and or husband's of other suicide victims. A lot of these org's have links to support groups. My best friend committed suicide and to this day I continue to ask myself could I have done anything to change the outcome? This I believe will help Chad to realize that he's not alone in his situation. God Bless All & Later,

    Dennis in Idaho
    "Those who talk, Don't do. Those who do, Don't Talk!"

    We live in a very rural area and suicide is pretty rare around here. My family actually has had two in the past 10 years and we're probably well in the lead for them. You can likely count the rest on one hand for the surrounding 50 miles in the last 10 years. So support groups are probably unheard of around here as far as suicides.

    Both of these guys were very religious, (Mennonite, if it matters), and the one who shot himself was even a Sunday School teacher. Both from the same church. I hope Chad can find the support he needs there.
    My daughter emailed him today and asked him if there was anything she could do. He said he just needed a hug and someone to tell him everything was going to be OK. She said she'd drive to his town if he needed someone to talk to and he said no.

  10. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Peggy Reist View Post
    We live in a very rural area and suicide is pretty rare around here. My family actually has had two in the past 10 years and we're probably well in the lead for them. You can likely count the rest on one hand for the surrounding 50 miles in the last 10 years. So support groups are probably unheard of around here as far as suicides.

    Both of these guys were very religious, (Mennonite, if it matters), and the one who shot himself was even a Sunday School teacher. Both from the same church. I hope Chad can find the support he needs there.
    My daughter emailed him today and asked him if there was anything she could do. He said he just needed a hug and someone to tell him everything was going to be OK. She said she'd drive to his town if he needed someone to talk to and he said no.
    Someone should drive there just to give Chad a Hug.
    It will show him that he has value and is worth the time and effort.
    A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state,
    the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.

  11. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Kramer1113 View Post
    Hey Peggy,

    I don't know if you read the Jumper link I posted, but all in all the man who shot himself just didn't understand that brighter days were ahead, and Life is a gift.

    If anything, I guess you could tell your friend that People get fired every day, and rational people don't kill them selves after being fired. Rational people don't kill themselves at all come to think of it.
    There were more than likely other pressures in the mans life that he felt grew to be overwhelming based on losing his job.

    Heck, this past June, after 19 years as an Administrator for my company, they did away with the position I held. I was able to stay with the company but in a production position. Better days ahead and I just don't know Gods plan for me.
    Yes, I did read it. Thank you. I've told him all that and that if there's one thing he shouldn't be feeling, it's guilt. Yes, the guy was suffering from depression long before he lost his job. He was selfish and cowardly and saw a way to blame his suicide on someone else and he did exactly that.

    I'm sorry about you losing your job. That's a long time to devote to a job and they trivialized it by doing away with it. I hope it all turns out better for you.

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