You Might be a Gun Nut / humor
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 16

Thread: You Might be a Gun Nut / humor

  1. #1

    You Might be a Gun Nut / humor

    I did a search and didn't find it, so thought id post it for a little fun.


    -If You've ever dabbed a little Hoppe's on your neck before going on a date...
    -If you bought checkering tools, checkered all your gunstocks and are now starting on the bedposts...
    -If you cannot really recall just how many guns you own...
    -Surplus ammunition suppliers call you to see if there was anything you were looking for...
    -If you bought a gun from a gunshop, only to realize you used to own it years ago...
    -If you've ever shot out a 1911 barrel.........
    -If you save brass and have a case tumbler, but don't reload...
    -If you ever stripped the paint off of your car and then blued it
    -If you've ever bought ammo for a caliber you didn,t shoot, thinking that someday you might own a gun in that caliber...
    -If your computer passwords are gun related...
    -If your five-year-old can detail strip and fully reassemble an M-1 Garand............
    -If you take your guns out of the safe and handle them, just so you can wipe them down before going to bed...
    -If your local gunsmith calls you for obsolete parts...
    -If you home-school and use ballistic tables for math lessons...
    -If your gun safe is bigger than your refrigerator...
    -If the speedometer on your car is in both m.p.h. and fps...
    -If you call Brownells and they recognize your voice...
    -If you own reloading dies for calibers that you do not shoot...
    -If you understand Smith and Wesson's model numbers...
    -If you ever bought two different brands of the same bullet just to see which one "shot better"...
    -If watching the Lion King gives you the itch for a .470 Nitro...
    -If you cut out your best groups and carry them in your wallet like photos...
    -If you've ever gone to a gun show three times in one month, and were excited every time...
    -If you feel that a golf course is a willful and deliberate misuse of a perfectly good rifle range...
    -If you ever accidentally seasoned a steak with FFFFg black powder...
    -If your brass tumbler used to be a small cement mixers.
    -If you identify the gun on the cover of Dillon's Blue Press before you notice the girl...
    -If you make $30/hr at work and spent 35 min- on your knees at the range looking for that last piece of .40 brass...
    -If you have guns in your safes that you can't for the life of you remember how you came by...
    -If the FBI asks you to identify firearms they can't...
    -If ammo manufacturers had to layoff workers when you went to Europe for a month's vacation...
    -If you know the range of every tree in the neighborhood...
    -if you can tell the caliber of any spent casing just by feel...
    -If you plead with the gun shop to hold a rifle/shotgun until you have space for it...
    -If you can't figure out why your non-shooting friends laugh when you say "Bushmaster"...
    -If you didn't get that last one because you don't have any "non-shooting" friends...
    -If you driver's license says "must wear night vision goggles."
    -If your shoulder is callused...
    -If manufactures ask you how their rifles hold up.
    -If you get misty eyed evey time you sell a gun..
    -If you alternate Silvertips, Hydra-Shoks and Black Talons in your magazines because they look prettier that way..........
    -If you guess windage and range every time you look at a road sign...
    -If you went out to the range this weekend to shoot up ammo, just so you'd have some brass to reload...
    -RCBS answers your phone calls, "What have YOU dreamed up this time?"..............
    -if you can name the parts of your post-ban rifle you had to (or want to) swap out to make a legal semi auto AW
    -if someone asks about the president and you think they're talking about charlton heston
    -if you know the model numbers of your glocks, how many and what size mags you have, and which are loaded, but have no idea when your anniversary is.
    -if you've ever had to explain why you need armor piercing rounds to someone
    -if you don't know that there is a difference between "the Internet" and "Glock Talk"
    -if you have ever run out of gas in your car, but have never run out of ammo before
    -if you know the serial numbers of your guns, but still get your kids' names mixed up.
    -if you hold a firearms related record in Guiness book of world records.
    -if you go to gun shows with a grocery buggy (painted camo of course)
    -if you had to explain to someone what a "SHTF scenerio" is
    -if you had a gun rack on your bike when you were a kid
    -if you know why 30-06 is pronounced "thirty alt six"
    -if you buy all of your clothes at wal-mart but own some of the most expensive holsters known to man
    -if your name is on California's AW ban
    -if you walk up on a conversation about horses and as soon as you hear "colt", you are immediately interested.
    -if your favorite saint is John Moses Browning.
    -if your favorite paint color is "gun metal grey".
    -if you break off on a dissertation on how badly congress screwed Bill Ruger.
    -if you anticipate another shooting session while you are putting your guns away at the range.
    -if you look at Shotgun News the way teenagers look at playboy
    -if every street sign within 5 miles of your house looks like it came from chechnya
    -if you went to college, but owned more gun manuals than text books
    -if the national guard armory has your phone number on "call block" because you keep making bids on their WWII artillary piece sitting out front
    -if you carry a backup gun in case the backup for your backup fails.
    -if you carry concealed at the beach
    -if third world arms dealers consider you to be the largest gun runner in the world (but you keep all the stuff for yourself)
    -if you were arrested/questioned about the sniper shootings
    -if you've filled out more "yellow forms" than income tax forms
    -if you have your own VIP parking spot at gun shows.
    -if you hear someone say "it's about 9:45" and you think to yourself "good grief, the 9mm/.45 debate will never end!"
    -if you sit through a violent movie and aren't bothered by gorey violence, but flinch when someone drops a firearm (might scratch it)
    -if you have been banned from a movie theater because you always stand up in the middle of the movie and tell everyone you can't fire 30 rounds from a revolver without reloading.
    -if you ever took apart your Nintendo zapper and installed custom trigger,laser sight, scope, etc. for Duck Hunt
    -if you have more firearms than friends
    -if you have insurance covering your guns, but not you
    -if Hillary Clinton makes your skin crawl.
    -if you slide your paddle holster on to check your mail.
    -if you slide your paddle holster on to take out the garbage.
    -if you find yourself rapidly disassembling/re-assembling your the dark.....on the toilet.
    -if you drive to work with a $1500 Kimber in a $500 pick-up.
    -if your guns are named names usually reserved for people
    -if you designed your own caliber and built a firearm to fire it
    -if you grew up with loaded guns all around you, but it never crossed your mind to shoot up your school.
    -if you've read the Constitution
    -if you know the second amendment by heart
    -if you know the second amendment translated into more than 3 languages
    -if you used to have a hill as a backstop, but now it has become a 30 foot high mound of pure lead.
    -if you make your own reloading tools
    -if you make your own powder
    -if you don't label your reloading powder, because you can hear the difference when shaking the can
    -if you have ever read an article in the crime section of the newspaper and read "the suspect had over 200 rounds of ammunition", then assumed it was a misprint. who in his right mind would get down to only 200 rounds???
    -if your CCW is a shotgun
    -if your CCW is a .50
    -if your CCW is a LAW
    - if you find yourself doing trigger and muzzle control on the bottle of your wife's glass cleaner
    - if your girlfriend/wife is jealous of the time you spend with your guns
    - if your wishlist on midwayusa totals up to the price of a new car
    - if that new car would be a Bentley
    - if your already thinking about your next gun while your filling out the paperwork on the one you're buying.
    - if the guys at the local gun shop send you a christmas card
    - if you own a guns you haven't shot yet
    - if you have a room in your house dedicated to guns
    - if when someone says "but what if you don't have a gun with you?" and after 15 minutes you still can comprehend how that would be possible.
    - if the sound of full auto gun fire makes you feel all warm and fuzzy
    -if you shook the presents under your tree, and one fired a round out of it.
    -if you've spent more money at Midway USA, Brownell's, and Cabela's than the companies are worth.
    -if your will specifies your favorite firearm(s) to be buried with you.
    -if the glock talk logo is burned into your computer monitor.
    -if you have had a friend who thought knives were soooo cool and dangerous, then you showed him your AK-47 collection
    -if you wonder why you must renew your CCW license every year, but your marriage license won't expire.
    -if someone asks how many guns you have, and the answer begins with "about" (i.e. "about 50 or so").
    -if you took an ink blot test, and your answers were things like "an AR-15 sear", "bolt release from ruger 10-22", "firing pin from M1911", etc.
    -if you know you carry 45 caliber 230 grain full metal jacketed hydra-shock hollow points from Federal, but don't know the color of your wife's eyes.
    -if you have ever shot a hole in something by accident
    -if that something was your TV during a Bush/Gore debate
    -if you buy Hoppe's solvent in 50 gallon drums because your howitzer "likes" it
    -if the gun show owners let you in free.
    -if you named a dog after a gun.
    -if you name your kids after your guns.
    -if you time yourself each time you fill out one of those yellow forms, and you're down to a minute flat.
    -if NICS put your favorite gun dealer on call block.
    -if you're only dating/marrying a girl so you can shoot her gun collection.
    -if the wallpaper on your desktop is firearm related
    -if the wallpaper in a room of your house is firearm related
    -if you have no wallpaper or house, but live in a dug-out underground bunker to keep your guns safe
    -if CNN does a report on gun control and shows a table of guns from a gun show, and one of them has your name engraved on the side.
    -if you carry pictures of your guns in your wallet
    -if you ever heard gun shots outside your house late at night, but fell into a state of sheer panic because you couldn't decide which gun to grab.
    -if your favorites in the computer only have one folder, "guns."
    You can run... but you'll just die tired. 3%

  3. #2
    wolfhunter Guest
    It's easier if ya count the ones that don't apply or you haven't done YET.

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Eugene, Oregon
    Quote Originally Posted by wolfhunter View Post
    It's easier if ya count the ones that don't apply or you haven't done YET.
    LOL, I hear that.
    Great post, had a good laugh OldOwl.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]In order to rally people, governments need enemies. They want us to be afraid, to hate, so we will rally behind them. And if they don't have a real enemy, they'll invent one in order to mobilize us.

  5. #4
    wolfhunter Guest
    OMG, I missed this one the first time I went through the list:
    -if you wonder why you must renew your CCW license every year, but your marriage license won't expire.

  6. #5
    those are good... so many of them apply.
    You can have my freedom as soon as I'm done with it!!!

  7. #6
    Does a 50% score qualify as a gun nut?

  8. #7
    Are you a Democrat, Republican or .....a Southern Republican ?

    Here is a little test that will help you decide........


    You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes on you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

    Democrat's Answer:

    Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

    Does the man look poor or oppressed?

    Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire h im to attack?

    Could we run away?

    What does my wife think?

    What about the kids?

    Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his

    What does the law say about this situation?

    Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

    Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this
    send to society and to my children?

    Is it possible he would be happy with just killing me?

    Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

    If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he
    was stabbing me?

    Should I call 9-1-1?

    Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and
    weed day and
    make this a happier, healthier street
    that would discourage such behavior.

    This is all so confusing! ! I need to debate this with some friends for few
    days and try to come to a consensus.

    Republican's Answer:


    Southern Republican's Answer:


    click.....(sounds of reloading).




    "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?"
    You can run... but you'll just die tired. 3%

  9. #8
    I can count on one hand the ones that DIDN'T apply.

  10. #9
    This came in an E-mail with cool photos. I didn't want to waste an entire thread on it but it's kind of cool so I'm just tucking it in here..

    'Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not.'

    ~ Thomas Jefferson


    1. An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject.

    2. A gun in the hand is better than a cop on the phone.

    3. Colt: The original point and click interface.

    4. Gun control is not about guns; it's about control.

    5. If guns are outlawed, can we use swords?

    6. If guns cause crime, then pencils cause misspelled words.

    7. Free men do not ask permission to bear arms.

    8. If you don't know your rights, you don't have any.

    9. Those who trade liberty for security have neither.

    10. The United States Constitution (c) 1791. All Rights Reserved.

    11. What part of 'shall not be infringed' do you not understand?

    12. The Second Amendment is in place in case the politicians ignore the others.

    13. 64,999,987 firearms owners killed no one yesterday.

    14. Guns only have two enemies; rust and politicians.

    15. Know guns, know peace, know safety. No guns, no peace, no safety.

    16. You don't shoot to kill; you shoot to stay alive.

    17. 911: Government sponsored Dial-a-Prayer.

    18. Assault is a behavior, not a device.

    19. Criminals love gun control; it makes their jobs safer.

    20. If guns cause crime, then matches cause arson.

    21. Only a government that is afraid of its citizens tries to control them.

    22. You have only the rights you are willing to fight for.

    23. Enforce the gun control laws we ALREADY have; don't make more.

    24. When you remove the people's right to bear arms, you create slaves.

    25. The American Revolution would never have happened with gun control.

    You can run... but you'll just die tired. 3%

  11. #10
    Physicians vs. Gun Owners

    Physicians vs. Gun Owners


    a. The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000.
    b. Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000.
    c. Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171.
    (Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept. of Health &Human Services)

    Now think about this . . .

    a. The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000.
    b. The number of accidental gun deaths per year (all age groups) is 1,500.
    c. The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is 0.000188.

    Statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.

    Remember, "Guns don't kill people; doctors do."


    Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We must ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand!!!!!

    Note: Out of concern for the public at large, I have withheld the statistics on lawyers for fear the shock would cause people to panic and seek medical attention.
    You can run... but you'll just die tired. 3%

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts