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Thread: Military Humor

  1. #21
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    michigan muskegon
    Posts
    2

    self defence

    better to tried by 12 then carried by 6 staff sarg. big mike R.V.N.

  2.   
  3. #22
    my turn

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant Marines. They come to the bar and order five bottles of beer and ten glasses. They take their order over and sit down at a large table. The caps are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Soon three more Marines arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more Marines show up and soon their voices are are joined in raising the roof, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Finally the tenth Marine comes in with a picture under his arm, he walks over to the table, and sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts.


    Up jump the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of the cookie monster. When the frenzy dies down a little bit the bartender asks one of the Marines, "Whats all the chanting and celebration about?"

    The Marine who brought in the picture pipes in, "Everyone thinks that Marines are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought this puzzle and put it together. The side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!"

    That one is for you jardevilheaddogs


    A 2LT was walking home from work one day, when he noticed a little boy sitting on the sidewalk.
    The little boy was playing with a pile of ****. Curious, the 2LT walked over to the little boy and asked him "Why are you playing with a pile of ****?" The little boy replied "I'm building an NCO". The 2LT, amused by this, ran back to the company to get his captain. Upon returning to the little boy, who was still playing with the pile of ****, the Captain asked "Son, what are you doing?" The little boy looked up at him and said " I'm building an NCO". The captain being equally amused insisted that they return and get the 1SG. When the three returned the little boy, still playing with his pile of ****, was asked by the 1SG "Son, what are you doing?" The little boy again replied "I'm building and NCO". "Why are you building an NCO?" asked the 1SG. The little boy paused and responded "Because I don't have enough **** to build an officer"

  4. #23
    You forgot the best one....

    Hold my beer and watch this

  5. #24
    I knew there had to be a joke section someplace.


    A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing - the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled.

    He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?"

    A Major chimed in with 75-25% in favor of work.

    A Captain said it was 50-50%.

    A lieutenant responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.

    There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the PFC who was in charge of making the coffee. What was HIS opinion?

    Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure."

    The colonel was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why.


    "Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."

    The room fell silent.

    God Bless the enlisted man.
    You can run... but you'll just die tired. 3%

  6. #25
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Colorado Rocky Mountain High
    Posts
    3,900
    Quote Originally Posted by oldvet53 View Post
    join the army, travel to distant, exotic forign lands, meet exiting,interesting people, AND KILL THEM!
    join the army national guard, travel to distant, exotic forign lands, meet exiting,interesting people, AND KILL THEM (but only on weekends)
    See, it's mumbo jumbo like that and skinny little lizards like you thinking they the last dragon that gives Kung Fu a bad name.
    http://www.gunrightsmedia.com/ Internet forum dedicated to second amendment

  7. #26
    How to Tell the Difference Between the Branches of the US Armed Forces!

    If you give the command "SECURE THE BUILDING", here is what the different services would do:

    The NAVY would turn out the lights and lock the doors.

    The ARMY would surround the building with defensive fortifications, tanks and concertina wire.

    The MARINE CORPS would assault the building, using overlapping fields of fire from all appropriate points on the perimeter.

    The AIR FORCE would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy the building.

  8. #27
    Which Service has the Dumbest Officers? *

    •Well, in the Coast Guard the officers stay nice and dry on land, while the enlisted people head out to sea in all sorts of weather.
    •In the Army, the officers stand behind the troops and shout, "Attack!"
    •In the Navy, the officers stand on the bridge and steer the ship into action.
    •In the Marine Corps, the officers stand in front of the troops and shout, "Attack!"
    •And in the Air Force? Well, the officers go off to battle in their pretty flight suits, flying their expesnive toys, while the enlisted people head for the club for a long one.
    * Or, conversely, the smartest enlisted people.

  9. #28
    The Army and the Air Force Try to Work Together


    There's an Air Force guy driving from McChord to Ft Lewis, and an Army guy driving from Ft Lewis to McChord. In the middle of the night with no other cars on the road they hit each other head on and both cars go flying off in different directions.

    The Air Force guy manages to climb out of his car and surveys the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says,....."Man, I am really lucky to be alive!"

    Likewise the Army guy scrambles out of his car and looks at his wreckage. He too says to himself, ..... "I can't believe I survived this wreck!"

    The Army guy walks over to the Air Force guy and says,...... "Hey man, I think this is a sign from God that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of archrivals"

    The Air Force guy thinks for a moment and says, ...... "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. Now I'm gonna see what else survived this wreck"

    So the Air Force guy pops open his trunk and finds a full, unopened bottle of Jack Daniels.

    He says to the Army guy, "I think this is another sign from God that we should toast to our new found understanding and friendship"

    The Army guy replies, "You're damn right!" and he grabs the bottle and starts sucking down Jack Daniels. After putting away nearly half the bottle the Army guy hands it back to the Air Force guy and says, "Your turn!"

    The Air Force guy twists the cap back on the bottle and says, "Nahh, I think I'll wait for the cops to show up."

  10. #29
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Northerns Georgia
    Posts
    41
    Quote Originally Posted by OldOwl View Post
    I knew there had to be a joke section someplace.


    A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing - the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled.

    He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?"

    A Major chimed in with 75-25% in favor of work.

    A Captain said it was 50-50%.

    A lieutenant responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.

    There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the PFC who was in charge of making the coffee. What was HIS opinion?

    Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure."

    The colonel was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why.


    "Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."

    The room fell silent.

    God Bless the enlisted man.
    Oh man,nice joke about all the (alternative lifestylers) being enlisted.
    I Love Nicki Minaj

  11. #30
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Greenville, MS
    Posts
    64

    Yep that says it all


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