Power Outage...
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Thread: Power Outage...

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
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    St. Louis County, MO
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    Power Outage...

    At my recent assault trial, I offered a plea of "Guilty with an explanation." The judge asked me what my explanation was, so I told mystory.

    "Your Honor," I said, "I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually kept. I was met with: 'Hi! I'm Belinda!' This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, 'All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?' I'm thinking, 'Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science.' Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

    With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, 'Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?''Fine', I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other breast wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when we heard, then felt a zap!

    Complete darkness and the power went off! 'Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag.' Belinda said, and headed for the door. 'Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?' I shouted. Belinda kept going and said, 'Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back.'

    Before I could shout 'NOOOO!' she disappeared.And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me ... half-naked with part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life, and the other part smashed between glass! After exchanging a polite 'Hi, how's it going' type greeting, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off. Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible 'Uh, yes, yes I did thanks.' 'You bet, take care' Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.

    Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, 'Oh I am sooo sorry!' The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?'

    And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps...."

    The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said 'Case Dismissed!!'..

    .

    Last edited by Tucker's Mom; 01-23-2010 at 08:59 PM. Reason: Trying to change the font. I can't!!
    "Don't let the door hit ya where the dawg shudda bit ya!"
    G'day and Glock
    GATEWAY SWIFT WING ST. LOUIS

  2.   
  3. #2
    LOL... ok I can't even imagine what that is like... but that is funny.
    You can have my freedom as soon as I'm done with it!!!

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    St. Louis County, MO
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scarecrow View Post
    LOL... ok I can't even imagine what that is like... but that is funny.
    Uh...oh...you haven't had a mammogram before??? Don't! It's very barbaric. You'd think that with the world's technology they could have invented something more civil than those two cold metal (12 x 12) vise to lay your breast in one by one and squash it down and take a photo of it. You can just imagine the position you will be putting yourself into to the nurse's (if she is ever one and haven't taken it herself...) I bet you'd swear to your maker that you're not going to go through that sort of degradation!! I did!! and there ain't no way am I going to go through that again. I have no relatives that had breast cancer that I know of, so I think I am safe, so no thank you I told my doctor two weeks ago. He said at my age, I should. I said at my age, if I am going to die, I prefer to die than allow my breast to be squashed between two pieces of metal for a photoshoot. Bahh...
    "Don't let the door hit ya where the dawg shudda bit ya!"
    G'day and Glock
    GATEWAY SWIFT WING ST. LOUIS

  5. #4
    AAHHHH! TMI! TMI!

    I prefer to think of breasts (o wondrous creations of the Lord!) as plump, and smooth, and touchable, and...ok, you get my drift...not MASHED between two plates of cold metal! Way too much detail, there goes the beautiful picture I have carried in my head all my life...

  6. #5
    Join Date
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    Honolulu, HI & Salt Lake City, UT
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    2,797
    I wonder what they do for women in the "almost an A" category.... Now that the criminal case is over, I hope you can find a good attorney and sue the facility. Not necessarily to make a profit, but more so to ensure that "Belinda" is out of a job and the medical facility will train current and future employees better. They should have a policy of what to do in the event of a power outage. I worked in a medical facility, and no patient would be allowed to be left alone in a room like that. Stories like this is why many women refuse to get mammograms. I know several women who survived breast cancer because they got a mammogram and the cancer was detected early. Many of them didn't have a history of cancer in their families, so it was a shock when they were diagnosed with breast cancer.

    Glad the judge dismissed the case. Hope "Belinda" learned an important lesson that day.



    gf
    "A few well placed shots with a .22LR is a lot better than a bunch of solid misses with a .44 mag!" Glock Armorer, NRA Chief RSO, Pistol, Rifle, Shotgun, Muzzleloading Rifle, Muzzleloading Shotgun, and Home Firearm Safety Training Counselor

  7. #6
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Battle Creek Mi
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    1,853
    Try n remember there are old timers here so lets all make those fonts easer to read.....
    "The sword dose not cause the murder, and the maker of the sword dose not bear sin" Rabbi Solomon ben Isaac 11th century
    "Don't be so open minded that your brains fall out!" Father John Corapi.

  8. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    St. Louis County, MO
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sheldon View Post
    Try n remember there are old timers here so lets all make those fonts easer to read.....
    If i can change the font, I will, but I was only able to change the colour of the font. I copied and paste that in my email you know...sorry about that...old timers in this group...

    GL...sorry it was just a joke thingie...loosen up...OK??? Well, no matter what I am not going to go through that breast squashing exercise again...it hurts.


    .
    "Don't let the door hit ya where the dawg shudda bit ya!"
    G'day and Glock
    GATEWAY SWIFT WING ST. LOUIS

  9. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Honolulu, HI & Salt Lake City, UT
    Posts
    2,797
    Hope this makes it easier to read for the "old timers". The OP text follows below.

    gf

    At my recent assault trial, I offered a plea of "Guilty with an explanation." The judge asked me what my explanation was, so I told mystory.

    "Your Honor," I said, "I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually kept. I was met with: 'Hi! I'm Belinda!' This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, 'All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?' I'm thinking, 'Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science.' Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

    With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, 'Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?''Fine', I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other breast wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when we heard, then felt a zap!

    Complete darkness and the power went off! 'Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag.' Belinda said, and headed for the door. 'Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?' I shouted. Belinda kept going and said, 'Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back.'

    Before I could shout 'NOOOO!' she disappeared.And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me ... half-naked with part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life, and the other part smashed between glass! After exchanging a polite 'Hi, how's it going' type greeting, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off. Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible 'Uh, yes, yes I did thanks.' 'You bet, take care' Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.

    Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, 'Oh I am sooo sorry!' The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?'

    And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps...."

    The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said 'Case Dismissed!!'..
    "A few well placed shots with a .22LR is a lot better than a bunch of solid misses with a .44 mag!" Glock Armorer, NRA Chief RSO, Pistol, Rifle, Shotgun, Muzzleloading Rifle, Muzzleloading Shotgun, and Home Firearm Safety Training Counselor

  10. #9
    Semper Fi

  11. #10
    Nobody likes a smartass, gf. Now, if I could only freakin' hear!!

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