I liked this one. My mother sent this to me.
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Thread: I liked this one. My mother sent this to me.

  1. #1
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    I liked this one. My mother sent this to me.

    Good old Mom knows how I feel and what I think is funny.

    Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel "Pick up
    your shovel, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the
    Promised Land".

    Nearly 75 years ago, Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your
    asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land".

    Now Obama has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of
    Camels, and mortgaged the Promised Land.

    Furthermore, I was so depressed last night thinking about
    Health Care Plans, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, savings,
    Social Security, retirement funds, etc... I called the
    Suicide Help Line . Got a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was
    suicidal.

    They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

    I love Mom..

    Peace...
    You can give peace a chance alright..

    I'll seek cover in case it goes badly..

  2.   
  3. #2
    Hahahahaha! Mom's are great, aren't they!
    The trail is the thing, not the end of the trail. Travel too fast and you miss all you are traveling for.

  4. Angry

    Quote Originally Posted by 6shootercarry View Post
    Good old Mom knows how I feel and what I think is funny.

    Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel "Pick up
    your shovel, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the
    Promised Land".

    Nearly 75 years ago, Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your
    asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land".

    Now Obama has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of
    Camels, and mortgaged the Promised Land.

    Furthermore, I was so depressed last night thinking about
    Health Care Plans, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, savings,
    Social Security, retirement funds, etc... I called the
    Suicide Help Line . Got a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was
    suicidal.

    They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

    I love Mom..

    Peace...
    The last time I heard this one was when LBJ was president. About LBJ it was funny...About BerryO its tragic.

  5. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by NRA UR2 View Post
    The last time I heard this one was when LBJ was president. About LBJ it was funny...About BerryO its tragic.
    Yea. Sad it is. I'm sure the supreme court justice stepping down will help BO's cause. P.O.S. as far as I'm concerned.

    Peace...
    You can give peace a chance alright..

    I'll seek cover in case it goes badly..

  6. #5

    Cool

    My Mom and I routinely shared the most ribald, irreverent jokes and laughed to tears. Sure hope the Lord has a real good sense of humor.
    Prov. 27:3 - "Stone is heavy and sand a burden, but provocation by a fool is heavier than both"

  7. #6
    Miss my mother, we always did the same thing... but I'm sure... she's laughing.

    This is a good one, wish my mother was here to share it with, but I did share it with my daughter.

  8. That is not new....it came out when LBJ was president,,,,

    Ken

  9. #8
    Love it. Reminds me of this one... (It's been floating around for a while, so you may have seen it already)

    The Lord & Noah

    The Lord speaks to Noah and says:

    "In one year I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."

    In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark.

    "Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year."

    Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and the Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard weeping.

    "Noah." He shouted, "Where is the Ark?"

    "Lord please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best, but there were big problems. First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did not comply with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans.

    Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and flotation devices.
    Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.

    I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service that I needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me catch any owls. So, no owls.

    The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Union. Now I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls. When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard.

    Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe.

    Then the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe.

    Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard!

    The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes.

    I just got a notice from the state that I owe some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a recreational water craft."

    Finally the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is a religious event, therefore unconstitutional.

    I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!" Noah wailed.

    The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. You mean you are not going to destroy the earth, Lord?"

    "No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already has."
    The two enemies of the people are criminals and government, so let us tie the second down with the chains of the Constitution so the second will not become the legalized version of the first. - Thomas Jefferson

  10. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by TXiceman View Post
    That is not new....it came out when LBJ was president,,,,

    Ken
    Never wrote it was new, just indicated it was funny and that dear old Mom sent it along.

    Funny how things like this find their way around again. The names change, but the story is still the same..
    Perhaps We the People will learn and the jokes will be just that, funny jokes not sad and tragic commentary on the state of affairs...

    Peace...
    You can give peace a chance alright..

    I'll seek cover in case it goes badly..

  11. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by JJFlash View Post
    My Mom and I routinely shared the most ribald, irreverent jokes and laughed to tears. Sure hope the Lord has a real good sense of humor.
    He does, JJ...after all, he DID create the platypus!
    Conservative Wife & Mom -- I'm a Conservative Christian-American with dual citizenship...the Kingdom of God is my 1st home and the U.S.A. is my 2nd.

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