How the Fights Start
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Thread: How the Fights Start

  1. #1

    How the Fights Start

    My wife sat down next to me as I was
    flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'

    I said, 'Dust.'

    And
    then the fight started...

    ******************************************

    My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A
    Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to
    have sex?"

    "No," she answered.

    I then said, "Is that your final
    answer?"

    She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying,
    "Yes."

    So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

    And then the
    fight started....

    ******************************************

    Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made
    my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the
    van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing
    50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered
    that the weather would be bad all day.

    I went back into the house,
    quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back,
    now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is
    terrible."

    My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid
    husband is out fishing in that?"

    And that's how the fight
    started...

    ******************************************

    My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our
    upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150
    in about 3 seconds.'

    I bought her a bathroom scale.

    And then the
    fight started...

    ******************************************

    After retiring, I went to the Social Security office
    to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my
    driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had
    left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have
    to go home and come back later.

    The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So
    I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on
    your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security
    application.

    When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
    experience at the Social Security office..

    She said, 'You should have
    dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

    And then the
    fight started...

    ******************************************

    My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school
    reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat
    alone at a nearby table.

    My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

    'Yes,'
    I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right
    after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober
    since.'

    'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on
    celebrating that long?'

    And then the fight started...

    ******************************************


    I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some
    reason took my order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare,
    please."

    He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

    "Nah,
    she can order for herself."

    And then the fight started...

    ******************************************

    A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom
    mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel
    horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
    compliment.'

    The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near
    perfect.'

    And then the fight started.....



  2.   
  3. #2
    Warning - Picture of a man with only seconds to live. Very graphic.

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