Tales from the wilds of my yard - Page 2
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Thread: Tales from the wilds of my yard

  1. #11
    Quote Originally Posted by trophyhunter View Post
    Wild Eyed Willy,
    Another great story.Are any of these stories in book form? If not, They should be. And if so, Where can I get them?
    To be honest, my stories are all short, publishers don't want short... how much could you sell it for ....no money in them...

    The only place you can read them is right here.... Who knows, perhaps I'll get discovered, do any publishers carry? LOL.

    Oh yea, I forgot, thank you for the kind words.
    Keep your paws off my Carrots and my guns
    My rules to live by Never trust a squirrel, never french kiss an ardvark and never bring Jumbo hotdogs to a nudist colony barbcue.

  2.   
  3. #12
    anytime wild eyed willy i take pleasure in reading them especially after reading some of the post on this site its getting hard to determine fact from fiction...
    NRA,NYCCW,PALTCF,FLCCW,ARCCW,DCM,NYSRPA,SCOPE

  4. #13
    GOT SQUIRRELS?

    I was coming home from work one day and had pulled into the driveway, gotten out of my car and was walking up to the house when I noticed a group of five squirrels sitting on the stump in the back yard just above the stone wall.

    Now; I thought this was a little bit odd, but being busy I passed it off as just a weird thing and continued toward the door. I did not expect what happened next.

    The group started walking towards me, I was stunned. When they were within about four feet of me they all stopped except for one who must have been there leader. He walked right up to me and jumped onto my shirt.

    He used his paw to open my shirt pocket and fished around like he expected to find something inside. He pulled out my ballpoint pen and threw it on the ground.

    I stood motionless; to in shock to react or even think. He then looked me in the eye for a moment, looked back at my pocket and then jumped down to the ground.

    They all turned as if to walk away and then it happened.

    They turned back around and came after me. It was a vicious squirrel attack. They were everywhere. On my head on my legs, I fought them off as best I could but there were just too many of them. I must have been a sight flailing around in the yard with squirrels hanging off all over.

    You must have seen the story on the news; it was on all of the channels. Unidentified man mauled by squirrel’s film at eleven.

    I was black and blue for weeks, but I seem to be fine now; except for the slight urge to bury acorns.

    I still do not know what they were looking for or what prompted the attack. I have not seen them since that day. The police have questioned some of the local wild life, but have made no arrests.

    Since the Squirrel attack, I do not look at squirrels the same way.
    Sure they look all cute and fury but what evil lurks in there little minds, only they can say for sure.

    Squirrels are not the only deceptive looking creatures you have to watch out for.
    I have some chipmunks around here that look pretty shady also. They are always hiding in holes and lurking around by the stone wall.
    Just the other day I saw two of them out by the golden chain tree near the front of the house just hanging around, They looked like they were up to no good so I started watching them.

    A short time later they were joined by a blue jay, Trouble with a capital T. If you know what I mean. They always fly in packs and leave lookouts up in the tree tops. You can spot them if you know to look.
    They’re up to no good I said as sure as grandma has a mustache. Not long after a tufted titmouse perched just above them on a branch followed by a cat bird. Now I am sure there is something up, because as everyone knows cat birds do not associate with chipmunks much less blue jays.
    Sworn enemies I know, been that way for thousands of years.

    Now from my vantage point I can not hear what is being said but as I turn and look around I can see body guards for all of them scattered around the yard and in the trees.

    They met for about half an hour as I watched them with growing interest. As they left each turning curious glances over their shoulders obviously not trusting one another, I remember thinking to myself just how much that looked like a meeting of rival gangs, but the strangest thing about the whole meeting was the wood pecker just at the top of the hillside and to the left of the big white oak tree. That had to be the hit bird, I would bet my paycheck on it.

    Yesterday as I was bringing some leaves out back to throw on the pile, I saw the victim. There next to the path was a dead mouse; killed gangland style, Pecked right through the head.

    I called the police and reported the murder and now I have yellow do not cross tape all over the yard and a chalk outline on the ground where the mouse was slain.

    I can only guess what the mouse had done or perhaps seen but it must have been very important to bring this mix of enemies together.

    I believe the chipmunks run Acorns for a Colombian nut cartel. They are rumored to sell Acorns to the other animals and get them hooked, so it might be a nut related crime.

    The blue jays are into gambling and are being investigated for small arms trafficking. They bite them off of grasshoppers and crickets and sell them to any creature with the right amount of sunflower seeds no questions asked.

    Cat Birds as you know are into illegal fur trade. If you listen you can hear them in the trees, here Kitty, kitty, kitty. Next thing you know Fluffy is a cat skin rug for some bear in Yellowstone.
    The tufted tit mice are the worst of all. What manor of nastiness are these birds not into. These unassuming little birds are feared by all creatures big and small. I am sure they have a plot for total world domination. I have information from a reliable source that they have developed mind control. It works on animals but I am told it has not been perfected to work on humans yet.

    So be warned if you should see one, do not look it in the eyes because as simple minded as we humans are it probably won’t take them long to control us as well. One minute you will be you and the next you could be walking around carrying bags of bird seed with a blank look on your face.
    Keep your paws off my Carrots and my guns
    My rules to live by Never trust a squirrel, never french kiss an ardvark and never bring Jumbo hotdogs to a nudist colony barbcue.

  5. #14
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    St. Louis County, MO
    Posts
    3,445
    Nice one for a Pixar movie, eh? I love your stories...Keep 'em coming. if you have a lot of your stories, you can make your own book and sell it online instead of relying on bookstores. I have heard many stories of people who has encountered a few blocks trying to sell their merchandise by advertising full page in the local papers. Then sit and wait on the phone for days and months without any sale at all. Then he joined Facebook, Twitter, all those sorts and he got more work through that than his $1700 full page ad. You have to be creative in selling your merchandise too. In your case, your stories. They are all good, but of course, one may be better than the next one...but then that's reality. You take the up and the downside of things no matter what it is.

    Put it this way, because I am a mediographer, when I read a story, short and/or long, my mindset is to think -- can I use this one for my next presentation? what about a short movie? ... etc. Take a look of at a book by Ronald Kessler. His book is called In The President's Secret Service. They are short stories of stories of stories of stories related by secret service agents and the presidents they protected. On some of the account that I had already read, some of them have been repeated time and again, some become part of some movies about, say, Ronald Reagan.

    Do not dismiss your stories as a "...just..." -- they are good. One day someone will discover your stories or one of them. Be prepared for the event. And one thing I might want to add...at the end of each of your stories, put something like... Wild Eye Willy 2012. All Rights Reserved. Create a blog about your stories to get it out there...Orble is a good one and you get paid too for every article that you write each time you write. Just a suggestion...take it or leave it.

    Cheers...

    And oh, btw...different course, different path...but I've been there, done that. As many has. Getting off my soapbox now...
    "Don't let the door hit ya where the dawg shudda bit ya!"
    G'day and Glock
    GATEWAY SWIFT WING ST. LOUIS

  6. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by Tucker's Mom View Post
    Nice one for a Pixar movie, eh? I love your stories...Keep 'em coming. if you have a lot of your stories, you can make your own book and sell it online instead of relying on bookstores. I have heard many stories of people who has encountered a few blocks trying to sell their merchandise by advertising full page in the local papers. Then sit and wait on the phone for days and months without any sale at all. Then he joined Facebook, Twitter, all those sorts and he got more work through that than his $1700 full page ad. You have to be creative in selling your merchandise too. In your case, your stories. They are all good, but of course, one may be better than the next one...but then that's reality. You take the up and the downside of things no matter what it is.

    Put it this way, because I am a mediographer, when I read a story, short and/or long, my mindset is to think -- can I use this one for my next presentation? what about a short movie? ... etc. Take a look of at a book by Ronald Kessler. His book is called In The President's Secret Service. They are short stories of stories of stories of stories related by secret service agents and the presidents they protected. On some of the account that I had already read, some of them have been repeated time and again, some become part of some movies about, say, Ronald Reagan.

    Do not dismiss your stories as a "...just..." -- they are good. One day someone will discover your stories or one of them. Be prepared for the event. And one thing I might want to add...at the end of each of your stories, put something like... Wild Eye Willy 2012. All Rights Reserved. Create a blog about your stories to get it out there...Orble is a good one and you get paid too for every article that you write each time you write. Just a suggestion...take it or leave it.

    Cheers...

    And oh, btw...different course, different path...but I've been there, done that. As many has. Getting off my soapbox now...
    What is a mediographer??
    Keep your paws off my Carrots and my guns
    My rules to live by Never trust a squirrel, never french kiss an ardvark and never bring Jumbo hotdogs to a nudist colony barbcue.

  7. #16
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    St. Louis County, MO
    Posts
    3,445
    Quote Originally Posted by wild eyed willy View Post
    What is a mediographer??
    It is one who multitask as a videographer and photographer with the same end result that makes the produce moves as in presentation (slide shows) or short movie for adverts as opposed to the end product being either just still photographs or just video show. A mediographer is a more versatile career and I like it very much because I can switch from movies to stills and/or both when making a story. I love your stories. Short stories are inspiration or a burst of ideas for people like me...some people just take a camera and point it and click the shutter, the same with someone who owns a video camera. Concept video/photography takes time, location, lights and ideas to form (short stories invented/expanded in between) then shoot, then post process each and every frames or stills, then put together to make up the/a story for a finished product. It's what I do nowadays that I was ordered to kinda stay at home so I can recognize my husband and my kids each time I go home.Most of my clients are involved with airlines and vintage airplanes, aero shows, etc.
    "Don't let the door hit ya where the dawg shudda bit ya!"
    G'day and Glock
    GATEWAY SWIFT WING ST. LOUIS

  8. #17
    ALL FOR THE LOVE OF A PEANUT

    Well just when you think it is safe to go out in the yard, BAM something else happens.
    I am telling you those chipmunks will do anything for a nut. Have they no shame?
    Let me just rewind here or you will be lost.

    A few weeks ago I bought a big bag of peanuts at the grocery store. One day I was sitting outside getting some sun and began eating the peanuts. After awhile I noticed a chipmunk sitting on the wood pile just in front of me. I pulled out a peanut and threw one to him or her, (I’m not really sure which it is hard to tell without getting personal.) At first he/she ignored it but after awhile he ( for the sake of this story, the subject will here after be referred to as he, no disrespect to the female gender) went over to it and picked it up. He ate it very quickly keeping a watchful eye on me as he did. When he was done I threw him another one and like before he hesitated but eventually went over and picked it up. He ate it while keeping an eye out for any shenanigans from me. This went on for the time I sat outside and I had probably fed him fifteen peanuts.

    When I was finished relaxing I went back inside the house. The next day I again sat outside enjoying the sun and nice weather. As I sat there I noticed the chipmunk sitting on the wood pile again ( I assume it was the same one, however I can’t be absolutely certain, they all look alike to me.) After a bit I noticed the chipmunk staring at me,
    So I stared back at him. I needed to look at the gardens so I stood up and walked around the yard. The chipmunk’s eyes followed me wherever I moved. I walked around to the side yard and the chipmunk followed me, walking along the stone wall keeping about the same distance away from me as he moved, never taking his eyes off of me. I decided I would go into the house and get him a couple of peanuts just to be nice.

    I turned to walk back to the house and the chipmunk followed me keeping a safe distance away. He stopped in the yard about ten feet from the door and just sat there. I got him three peanuts and tossed them out into the yard near where he was sitting. I watched as he opened the shell of the first one and ate a nut, but I had things to do so I went about my business.

    The next day when I got home from work, I got out of my truck and was walking towards the house when the chipmunk ( I assume it was the same one, again I can’t be certain) came running over and stopped about ten feet away and sat in the yard looking at me. I said hold on there little guy and I will get you a peanut. I went into the house and promptly fetched him a peanut or two and tossed them out near him and went back inside the house. This went on for several more days. I would come home, he would come running up and sit in the yard and wait for me to get him some peanuts. Then I would go back inside the house. On about the sixth day of this, I had given him his peanuts and gone back inside and had been working for awhile, when I notice that the chipmunk was sitting on the ledge outside the window, looking in at me. He must be really bored I thought, I can’t be that entertaining. I just ignored him and went back to work.

    The next day I woke up sick and called out of work, I spent most of the day in bed. About an hour after I would have gotten home from work, I was laying in bed when I heard a knock at the door. I was not expecting anyone, but people sometimes show up unexpectedly, so I got up and went to the door to see who it was. When I got to the door there was no one there. I went back to bed and a short time later I heard another knock at the door. I ran to the door and flung it open ready to give a tongue lashing to whoever had been pulling the unwanted prank. To my surprise, there on the doorstep sat the little chipmunk. He flinched back as the door swept past, just over his head.

    I don’t know why I did it, perhaps because I was sick, perhaps I was tired from lack of sleep. I slammed the door and went back to bed. In retrospect I should have just gotten him some peanuts, but then hindsight is always 20/20. Even so, what follows I am sure you will agree, is a hideous display of nut greed perpetrated by the little chipmunk.

    Soon after the little chipmunk began rapping on the windows, he would move from window ledge to window ledge rapping his paw against the panes. He circled the house several times before ending the assault.

    All was quiet for several hours, by this time it was dark and I was sitting in the living room watching TV. All of the sudden the power went out and the house plunged into darkness. I stumbled toward the basement to get the flashlight which hangs on the wall just inside the cellar door.

    When I came to, I was lying on the floor in total darkness. How I got there is still a little fuzzy, but I seem to recall being slammed in the face with the cellar door. My broken nose would tend to support this theory. My hands were bound behind my back ( I later learned box tape was used) I also had a towel over my head. I laid there for a minute or two regaining my scenes, I realized I could hear crunching noises and plastic crinkling.

    It took just seconds to escape my bondage and stumble to my feet. My eyes had adjusted to the low light and I could see the basement door. I grabbed the door handle, opened the door and fled down the stairs grabbing the maglight on the way down. I ran through the basement and out the garage door. Once outside I ran and hid behind the neighbor’s shrubs to access the situation and catch my breath.

    I saw no one following me, as I was crouching there I noticed the neighbors lights were on, both up and down the street. I made my way stealthily back to the basement. I found the circuit breaker panel and discovered the main breaker had been turned off. One flip of the switch and the room was bathed in light. Holding my flashlight like a club I crept up the stairs expecting to be attacked at any moment. Once in the kitchen, all that could be found was the bag of peanuts strewn across the floor and a pile of empty shells near the counters edge. The only other things out of place were the towel and the roll of box tape on the counter. I called the police and reported the incident, but no sign of a break in could be found.

    The next morning as I left the house for work, the chipmunk was sitting on the wood pile; I swear to this day, that he growled at me.

    Now, I run to and from the car, I no longer stop to smell the roses growing in the yard.
    I don’t see the chipmunk any more, but I have been growled at from somewhere over by the wood pile many times.

    So please remember, don’t feed the animals, just because its cute and furry on the outside doesn’t mean its not evil inside…
    Keep your paws off my Carrots and my guns
    My rules to live by Never trust a squirrel, never french kiss an ardvark and never bring Jumbo hotdogs to a nudist colony barbcue.

  9. #18

    More Stories

    Wild Eyed Willy,
    I have not seen any new stories posted in a couple days. I was looking forward, To reading some more.Thanks !

  10. #19
    Quote Originally Posted by trophyhunter View Post
    Wild Eyed Willy,
    I have not seen any new stories posted in a couple days. I was looking forward, To reading some more.Thanks !
    there are some in this thread, I just put one in last night, I'll put in another one in a couple of days... you have to read this whole thread... Let me know what you think of the ones here so far..

    I just counted, there are three in this thread so far...
    Keep your paws off my Carrots and my guns
    My rules to live by Never trust a squirrel, never french kiss an ardvark and never bring Jumbo hotdogs to a nudist colony barbcue.

  11. #20
    Quote Originally Posted by wild eyed willy View Post
    GOT SQUIRRELS?
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .

    .
    Since the Squirrel attack, I do not look at squirrels the same way.
    Sure they look all cute and fury but what evil lurks in there [sic] little minds, only they can say for sure.
    .
    ......
    The Shadow knows....
    Charlie

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