Retired Husband: Funny
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Thread: Retired Husband: Funny

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Central Florida
    Posts
    2,004

    Talking Retired Husband: Funny

    Got this in an email. Thought I'd share.

    RETIRED HUSBAND:

    After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.

    Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

    Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

    Dear Mrs Harris,

    Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

    1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

    3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

    6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

    7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

    8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

    9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

    10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

    11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

    12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

    13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

    14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

    And last, but not least:


    15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.
    To not stand against injustice is to stand for it.
    Don't confuse my personality and my attitude.
    My personality is who I am, my attitude depends on who you are.

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  3. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Off of I-80 between Des Moines and Cheyenne
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    Blog Entries
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    hehe, tho I've read that before it's still funny. Who among us as kids did not set an alarm clock or two for another hour ahead?
    1)"When injustice becomes law, resistance becomes duty." -Thomas Jefferson.
    2)"Imagine how gun control might be stomped if GOA or SAF had the (compromising) NRA's 4 million members!" -Me. http://jpfo.org/filegen-n-z/nraletter.htm

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    St. Louis County, MO
    Posts
    3,445
    Quote Originally Posted by tuts40 View Post
    hehe, tho I've read that before it's still funny. Who among us as kids did not set an alarm clock or two for another hour ahead?
    Not in your bedroom -- at a store??? LOL Oh what fun!
    "Don't let the door hit ya where the dawg shudda bit ya!"
    G'day and Glock
    GATEWAY SWIFT WING ST. LOUIS

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