My Medical Apointment, received email
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Thread: My Medical Apointment, received email

  1. #1

    My Medical Apointment, received email

    I have no clue how much of this tale is true, but I thought it was a hoot none-the-less.

    This is true. Well, maybe a bit embellished here and there, but get down to
    the LAWS and it is factual.

    My Medical Appointment

    I visited a physician last week who was quite enthusiastic. It was a “new” doctor in
    the practice, a young lady (at MY age, EVERYBODY is “young”! When I was
    born, the Dead Sea wasn‘t even sick!) She was obviously a
    liberal by her dress and manner. I was thinking of hitting on her, but I
    don’t like the phrase she used, “You remind me of my
    She asked me what was wrong, and I replied, “I have a cut on my leg; and I think
    it may be getting infected.”

    She said,
    “Before we start, I have to ask you a few questions. Are you allergic to
    any medications?”

    I replied, “No.”

    She said, “Do you have any guns in the house?”

    I said, “HUH??”

    She replied, “Guns. Do you have any guns in the house?”

    I asked, “Why?”

    She said, “I’ve got to ask this question. It is required under the Affordable Care Act.”

    I asked, “What are you going to do with the data?”

    She said, “We compile it, amalgamate it, and submit it to the government.”

    I said, “Well, I have a Tommy Gun. I let my kid Tommy play with it.”

    She said, “What’s a Tommy Gun? I don‘t think that is the kind of gun they are concerned with.”

    With THAT, I knew I had a live one. I said, “It’s similar to a B.A.R., but a little heavier and shorter. I have a B.A.R. Also.”

    She said, “A B.A.R.?”

    I said, “Yes.”

    She looked puzzled. Then she brightened up and asked, “Do you have any assault rifles?”

    I attempted to look puzzled, and said , “I don’t know. What is an assault rifle?”

    She said, “That’s a gun that is used in wars.”

    I said, “As a matter of fact, I do. I have a replica of a Revolutionary War musket.”

    She began to look a bit exasperated. I pretended not to notice and kept up the appearance of trying to be helpful.

    She said, “Do you have anything more modern than that?”

    I replied, “Well, yes I do. I have a replica muzzle loader from the Civil War. Do you know the difference between a musket and a muzzle loader?”

    She rather peevishly said, “No, I don’t; and I don’t want to. What else do you have?”

    I said, “I have an M-1.”

    She asked, “What’s that?”

    I said, “A rifle.”

    She asked, “What kind?”

    I replied, “It is called a Garand.”

    She rather loudly said, “I don’t care if it is a grand rifle or not. Is it an assault rifle?”

    To which I replied, “I don’t know. I don’t know what an assault rifle is. You say it’s a rifle used in war, yet you say that my musket and muzzle loader are not assault rifles.”

    She calmed down (a bit) and asked, “Anything else?”

    I said, “I have an MG-.30, and an MG-.50. I‘m also part owner of an Apache. But they are not rifles.”

    She stated, “Well, then, I’m not interested in them. Anything else.”

    I replied, “Well, yes. I also have a 12-gauge and a 20-gauge pump. They are not rifled though.”

    She said, “I’m not interested in pumps; I’m interested in guns.”

    I replied, “Well, then, I have a Colt, a Luger, a Glock, a bazooka, a Parabellum, a Kalishnikov, a Henry, an Uzi, a Llama, and a Beretta--but they are not rifles.”

    She then said, “I’ve had enough of this. I think you’re toying with me. Let me see your leg.”

    I then said, “Excuse me, but before you look at my leg, I have a few questions to ask of you.”

    She replied, “Of course. What are they?”

    I said, “I have given you a lot of information about my guns. I am somewhat concerned about your knowledge and ability to assimilate, make coherent sense of that information, and report it correctly. Do you know the difference between a 22 caliber and a 223 caliber? It’s a rather fundamental difference.”

    She replied, “Actually, I don’t.”

    I said, “I see. Let me ask some more relevant questions. “How much money do you make?”

    She said, “That’s personal, why do you ask?”

    I said, “Well, in pushing the Health Care Act, my president cautioned the population about doctors that would amputate a leg rather than treat a cut because they make more money that way. Consequently, I wish to know if you are financially troubled. What kind of car do you drive? What are your house payments? How much is your mortgage? How much credit card debt do you have? Do you have a student loan; if so, how much?”

    She said, “I’m not going to answer those questions. You have no right to ask them.”

    I then asked, “Do you have training and education in homeopathic techniques? Do you know the benefits/effects of CoQ10, ginseng, fish oil, Creatine, BCAA, and other such herbal treatments?” Do you know the difference between Panax ginseng, American ginseng, and Siberian ginseng?”

    She replied, “Well, No!”

    I then asked, ”Well, have you studied it at all?”

    She replied rather defensively, “NO; it’s all a bunch of hogwash anyway!”

    I said, “Oh, then you have read the research on it. What have you read?”

    She then said, “I don’t waste my time reading such things. Why are you asking me these questions?”

    I said, “Well, if I’m going to turn my body over to you for treatment, I believe it is reasonable for me to know something about your motivation, training, experience, and competence. Do you know anything about the practice of holistic medicine?”

    She said, rather angrily “No, I don’t!”

    I said, “Oh. O.K. How much experience do you have in practicing medicine?”

    She replied, “Well, not very much.”

    To which I said, “Well, we all have to start somewhere. What medical school did you go to; what is its rank in terms of other medical schools; where did you intern; and where did you do your residency? What is the rank of the hospital where you did your internship and residency?”

    She rather
    peevishly said, “All my credentials are posted in the waiting

    To which I
    said, “Really? The rank of your medical school is posted in the
    waiting room? Do you have any experience with leg injuries? If so, how

    I guess that
    was too much for her. She rather crossly said, “I think it
    would be best if you saw a different doctor.” ...and started to
    leave the room.

    I said,
    “You know, doctor. You asked me irrelevant questions about my guns, and I
    answered them. Whether or not I own guns is really none of your business
    and has absolutely nothing to do with any treatment you might prescribe.
    On the other hand, I ask you questions quite relevant to my situation, and
    you refuse to answer them. Isn’t that somewhat backwards?”

    said, “But I HAVE to ask those questions. It’s the

    To which I
    replied, “Actually, it is NOT the law. Here is what the law
    says--taken directly from the Affordable Care Act:”

    ( 1)
    WELLNESS AND PREVENTION PROGRAMS. —A wellness and health promotion
    activity implemented under subsection (a) (1) (D) may not require
    the disclosure or collection of any information relating to—

    (A) the presence or storage of a lawfully-possessed firearm or ammunition
    in the residence or on the property of an individual;

    (B) the lawful use, possession, or storage of a firearm or ammunition by
    an individual.
    ON DATA COLLECTION . —None of the
    authorities provided to the Secretary under the Patient Protection and
    Affordable Care Act or an amendment made by that Act shall be construed to
    authorize or may be used for the collection of any information relating

    (A) the lawful ownership or possession of a firearm or

    (B) the lawful use of a firearm or ammunition; or

    (C) the lawful storage of a firearm or ammunition.

    You may verify this at: and”

    As you can see,
    you have broken federal law TWICE--once by asking, and once by collecting
    data. It is perfectly legal for me to own guns; it is
    NOT legal for you to ask and/or collect such data.

    YOU are
    breaking the law, and yet YOU are the one that is angry.

    Not only that,
    but you erroneously stated that you must ask such questions, and you did
    it in a very authoritative and convincing manner.

    You gave me
    false information, which I then acted upon by answering your

    On that basis,
    how can I be expected to trust your medical judgment?

    When I
    attempted to ascertain your medical competency, you became defensive and

    There is really
    no need for me to see another doctor in this practice. I‘ll go somewhere
    else, where my privacy is respected, and I can trust the information I


    Colonel, U. S.
    Marine Corps, Retired
    The Only Easy Day Was Yesterday

  3. #2
    I don't know if the encounter was real or not, but it was hilarious.

    And the part from Obamacare is 100% accurate.
    "Beware the fury of a patient man." --John Dryden,
    British poet, critic and playwright

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