The Pet Diaryes...
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Thread: The Pet Diaryes...

  1. #1
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    Wink The Pet Diaryes...

    Excerpts from a Dog's Diary

    * 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
    * 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
    * 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
    * 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
    * 12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
    * 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
    * 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
    * 5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
    * 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
    * 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
    * 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

    Excerpts from a Cat's Diary

    Day 983 of my captivity.

    My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

    They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

    In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

    Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!

    The re was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

    Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow --but at the top of the stairs.

    I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

    The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

    The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now . . .

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  3. #2
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    Two days, and I'm the first one to post a reply on this thread?

    Anyway, you had been doing well for a while there, Sheldon. Booooooooooo!

  4. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by tattedupboy View Post
    Two days, and I'm the first one to post a reply on this thread?

    Anyway, you had been doing well for a while there, Sheldon. Booooooooooo!
    Obviously you are not a cat owner...

  5. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sheldon View Post
    Obviously you are not a cat owner...
    That's only because I live in an apartment and I'm not allowed to have one. So there !

  6. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by tattedupboy View Post
    That's only because I live in an apartment and I'm not allowed to have one. So there !
    N I bet they do not allow loaded guns either but that did not stop you did it, be brave and try a real challenge and get a cat, if you can put up with it you can live with any gal that may come along. BTY did I say that I have five adorable blue eyed kittens FREE to a good home!

  7. #6
    nice... dogs rule.. cats are evil.
    You can have my freedom as soon as I'm done with it!!!

  8. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sheldon View Post
    N I bet they do not allow loaded guns either but that did not stop you did it, be brave and try a real challenge and get a cat, if you can put up with it you can live with any gal that may come along. BTY did I say that I have five adorable blue eyed kittens FREE to a good home!
    Actually, the lease mentions nothing about firearms. As for my firearms, I've mentioned in other threads that I don't store my weapons with a round in the chamber. The only time any of my firearms has a round chambered is when I carry them.

  9. #8
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    So does that mean you want the Kitten?

  10. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sheldon View Post
    So does that mean you want the Kitten?
    Nope. I'd much rather have a dog.

  11. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by tattedupboy View Post
    Nope. I'd much rather have a dog.
    Animal Raciest!! hey I just invented a new term, do you think we can get a big government grant to study it?

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