"Who do I vote for?" no longer an issue.
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Thread: "Who do I vote for?" no longer an issue.

  1. #1
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    Wink "Who do I vote for?" no longer an issue.

    To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II



    In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.



    Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).



    Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.



    Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.



    A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.



    To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:



    (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)



    1. Then look up aluminum, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.



    2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour', 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise'. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').



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    3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as 'like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let M*crosoft know on your behalf. The M*crosoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.



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    4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.



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    5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not ready to shoot grouse.



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    6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.



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    7. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.



    Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.



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    8. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.



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    9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.



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    10. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting Nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.



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    11. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt Englishdialogue in



    Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.



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    12. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body Armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try Rugby - the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.



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    13. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.



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    14. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.



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    15. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).



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    16. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.



    God Save the Queen!

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  3. #2
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    It took George Washington and others like him to get us away, and it'll take him coming back from the dead to keep us away. God (or George Washington) help us.

  4. #3
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    Guess they forgot we have a little better weapons this time around. They try that, we would have it sorted out really quickly this time...and they would become the 51st state of Not So Great Britian.

    But the USA DOES need to get on the stick, our forefathers probably wouldn't even recognize the place now.

    First step is: No Democrats. They would kill a lot of us with their taxes and ideas of spreading the wealth around. ie putting another 20 million on welfare. No matter how bad McCain is, he is much better for this country than O'bomb'a. O'bomb'a wants to take everything those of us like you and I who are supposedly the middle class owns.

    The idea of the post has one main thing wrong. O'bomb'a wants to become King of America, the heck with President, he wants to own America.

    But it is a pretty funny post. Thanks for posting it! Made me laugh several times.

  5. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Oregon Vet View Post
    Guess they forgot we have a little better weapons this time around. They try that, we would have it sorted out really quickly this time...and they would become the 51st state of Not So Great Britian.

    But the USA DOES need to get on the stick, our forefathers probably wouldn't even recognize the place now.

    First step is: No Democrats. They would kill a lot of us with their taxes and ideas of spreading the wealth around. ie putting another 20 million on welfare. No matter how bad McCain is, he is much better for this country than O'bomb'a. O'bomb'a wants to take everything those of us like you and I who are supposedly the middle class owns.

    The idea of the post has one main thing wrong. O'bomb'a wants to become King of America, the heck with President, he wants to own America.

    But it is a pretty funny post. Thanks for posting it! Made me laugh several times.

    If our forefathers had foreseen the Democrats or B Hussein O there would have been 11 amendments to the Bill of Rights and it would have gone something like this...

    When in the course of human events a political party comes into existence that threatens the Life, Liberty, and pursuit of happiness of the citizens of this land with their stupidity, lies and deceit, they shall be expunged from the country by any means possible.

  6. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sheldon View Post
    If our forefathers had foreseen the Democrats or B Hussein O there would have been 11 amendments to the Bill of Rights and it would have gone something like this...

    When in the course of human events a political party comes into existence that threatens the Life, Liberty, and pursuit of happiness of the citizens of this land with their stupidity, lies and deceit, they shall be expunged from the country by any means possible.
    Of course the Democrats would insist that it would require interpretation by some uber liberal judge.

  7. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sheldon View Post
    If our forefathers had foreseen the Democrats or B Hussein O there would have been 11 amendments to the Bill of Rights and it would have gone something like this...

    When in the course of human events a political party comes into existence that threatens the Life, Liberty, and pursuit of happiness of the citizens of this land with their stupidity, lies and deceit, they shall be expunged from the country by any means possible.
    It DID go like this:

    Eleventh Amendment (1795): Clarifies judicial power over foreign nationals, and limits ability of citizens to sue states in federal courts and under federal law.

    The latest was:

    Twenty-seventh Amendment (1992): Limits congressional pay raises.


    As of January 2008
    President $400,000
    Vice President $221,100
    Speaker of the House $217,400
    House Majority & Minority Leaders $188,100
    House/Senate Members & Delegates
    $169,300
    Chief Justice, Supreme Court $217,400
    Associate Justices, Supreme Court $208,100

    I'd better quit this, it is enough to depress a person. Work like a slave for my $1,310.00 a month to see them making $14,108.00 a month. They vote their own raises.
    I have to depend on the customers coming in my shops door for enough to pay the bills and my employees.
    Wonder what the bank would say if I told them to "match" my deposits with tax money so I could have a bigger pay check?
    I'm all depressed now, guess I'll go have a drink. Hummm, will it be straight out of the faucet or filtered and chilled coming out of the icebox door.

    If stuff tastes bad, I don't drink it. Thus I don't drink: coffee, tea, milk, alcohol or pop.
    Can barely afford the water and I'm on a well.
    Don't know what will happen if the Democrats get in. Save rain water I suppose.

    YEP, you have the right idea Sheldon!

  8. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by tattedupboy View Post
    Of course the Democrats would insist that it would require interpretation by some uber liberal judge.
    Not to much action in this thread. USACarry members must have a pretty high percentage of Democrats in it.

    If B Hussein O gets voted in, it is :suicide: for us taxpayers.

  9. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Oregon Vet View Post
    Not to much action in this thread. USACarry members must have a pretty high percentage of Democrats in it.

    If B Hussein O gets voted in, it is :suicide: for us taxpayers.
    Huh?

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