SPAM a new Direction
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Thread: SPAM a new Direction

  1. #1
    Join Date
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    Talking SPAM a new Direction

    New Directions for the war on terrorists.

    "Send Prior Service Vets over 60 "

    I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. (You can't be older than 42 to join the military.)

    They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.






    For starters:




    Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.



    Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. "My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry!" We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some a hole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.








    An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m.




    Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, "I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical s-o-b.









    If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.






    Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we like soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.






    They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. I can hear the Drill Sgt. now, "Get down and give me ... er ... one."



    Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.






    An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head. These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.






    Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked us on September 11. The last thing an enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them!!!.






    If nothing else, put us on the border and we will have it secured the first night.

  2.   
  3. #2
    Quote Originally Posted by Sheldon View Post
    New Directions for the war on terrorists.

    "Send Prior Service Vets over 60 "

    I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. (You can't be older than 42 to join the military.)

    They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.






    For starters:




    Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.



    Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. "My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry!" We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some a hole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.








    An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m.




    Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, "I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical s-o-b.









    If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.






    Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we like soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.






    They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. I can hear the Drill Sgt. now, "Get down and give me ... er ... one."



    Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.






    An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head. These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.






    Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked us on September 11. The last thing an enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them!!!.






    If nothing else, put us on the border and we will have it secured the first night.
    This is FUNNY

    Tarzan









    1 Timothy 5:8

    "But if any aprovide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel."

  4. #3
    How about this. Any wars that our buracrats get us into, their children have to be the first to go?
    By faith Noah,being warned of God of things not seen as yet, moved with fear,prepared an ark to the saving of his house;by the which he condemned the world,and became heir of the righteousness which is by faith Heb.11:7

  5. #4
    Good one Sheldon. I truly enjoyed reading that this morning. Thanks
    David

    The only person available to protect you 24 hours a day is you.

  6. #5
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    Post Subject

    This is a great read, I laughed so hard I almost fell of my chair and threw my hip out.:)

  7. #6
    I don't think a ma duce would fit on a walker. The terror of war is the sacrafice of our young people, if we older people went there would be nothing left. No B.S. wars no police action just kick ass and take names. Can I shoot sir?

  8. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by kwo51 View Post
    No B.S. wars no police action just kick ass and take names. Can I shoot sir?
    I think it would be more like "Praise the Lord and pass the ammo":D

  9. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Sheldon View Post
    New Directions for the war on terrorists.

    "Send Prior Service Vets over 60 "

    I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. (You can't be older than 42 to join the military.)

    They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.






    For starters:




    Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.



    Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. "My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry!" We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some a hole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.








    An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m.




    Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, "I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical s-o-b.









    If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.






    Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we like soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.






    They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. I can hear the Drill Sgt. now, "Get down and give me ... er ... one."



    Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.






    An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head. These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.






    Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked us on September 11. The last thing an enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them!!!.






    If nothing else, put us on the border and we will have it secured the first night.
    Yeah but what if the enemy started an army with a bunch of women who had PMS? Us olde Pharts woudn't stand a chance! :D

  10. #9
    Only one week out of the month. We can take a week off .This could be a problem with women judges and president.

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