Need tips to convince wife afraid of handguns


p2b4f

New member
At the risk of sounding chauvinistic, what would you ladies recommend I do to convince my wife that handguns in the house or for concealed carry are not a severe risk to our kids (7, 10, 11, 13, and 15 years old)?

After the 2012 election she was ok with me getting a shotgun for hunting and home defense as long as it was always kept in a safe. When I later suggested getting a handgun for close quarters and CC defense, she was adamant that we not do so.

Two of our kids are special needs kids. Part of their issues are anger/impulse management and also "sneakiness" and not knowing the meaning of "no". One in particular is scarily resourceful at getting into stuff he's not supposed to. Even with lots of gun safety education, his insatiable curiosity and desire to play with anything awesome and destructive is a big problem around here. Her fear is that even with a safe, one mistake on my part of leaving it open (I'm absentminded sometimes) would lead to disaster. I don't feel that I would be absentminded about a gun safe, but that's beside the point. The main issue would be with CC. If one of these boys gets mad or curious enough about something and takes advantage of an opportunity while the gun is on my person, that could get very bad.

She doesn't think guns are evil and she supports the 2nd Amendment. It's just that she, in her own words, has "a very active imagination" about everything that could go wrong and the anxiety about the risks is too great.

I want to respect her wishes on this but with everything going down the way it is with politics and the economy, I want more defense options for my family. Quicker ones for close quarters and CC.

Any thoughts or advice?
 

telpinaro

New member
Biometric gun safes and deep conceal holsters, like the 3Speed. (3 Speed Holster)

You won't forget to close this: Gunvault SpeedVault SVB500 gun safe - Amazon.com Keep the extra key somewhere impossible to get at, and the kids can't get in unless they cut your fingers off. You'll notice if they try that.

And wearing a holster that's actually inside your pants will probably deter kids as well. Can't imagine they want to go there.
 

barrygray0

New member
GOOD LUCK with your problem . There is only one thing i can think of that will work - - - D I V O R C E ! ! ! ! !
 

Peggy Reist

New member
Biometric gun safes and deep conceal holsters, like the 3Speed. (3 Speed Holster)

You won't forget to close this: Gunvault SpeedVault SVB500 gun safe - Amazon.com Keep the extra key somewhere impossible to get at, and the kids can't get in unless they cut your fingers off. You'll notice if they try that.

And wearing a holster that's actually inside your pants will probably deter kids as well. Can't imagine they want to go there.
What ^she^ said. All good ideas.
Apparently your wife does agree that you need some type of home protection, so that's good. But ask her about a home invasion where you don't have time to open your safe to get to your shotgun. You might as well not even have it. How are you going to protect her and your children with a shotgun that's locked in a safe? It's a lot easier with a gun that's strapped to you. And also remind her that not all threats will come to your home.
 

p2b4f

New member
Thanks. I've talked to her about "what ifs". She's a very, very smart woman (three bachelor's degrees all earned in 4 years, one in psychology) and is very capable of using logic and statistics to put across her own perspective on the risks I bring up. The "Knockout Game" issue that's becoming more prevalent is something we haven't talked out in the context of CC.

However, we live so far away from that type of environment that I'm not sure it'd convince her. Our community is really quite safe, and our home is located in a secluded place that is impossible for people to find even when we want them to come to our house, so we have reasonable "security through obscurity". Still, though, I dread that one freak moment when you want a CC gun and don't have one. Her answer is that those moments are statistically as likely as us winning the lottery or being struck by lightning. Still at a deadlock.

Guess I'll just have to try to get her to a range someday. Maybe as a surprise date. (Did I mention she doesn't particularly like surprises?) LOL
 

p2b4f

New member
Thanks. That's a really cool vault. I've never seen that one before and I like how it's more like a holster than a box.
 

apvbguy

New member
there is nothing you can say or do to change her mind she will either come around or she won't the more you push it the harder the push back will be
 
However, we live so far away from that type of environment that I'm not sure it'd convince her. Our community is really quite safe, and our home is located in a secluded place that is impossible for people to find even when we want them to come to our house, so we have reasonable "security through obscurity". Still, though, I dread that one freak moment when you want a CC gun and don't have one. Her answer is that those moments are statistically as likely as us winning the lottery or being struck by lightning. Still at a deadlock.
I'm sure you've heard all these before, but they bear repeating.

Does she think it's a good idea to wait until the house is burning to buy insurance? The chances of the house burning are extremely small, especially with good maintenance, etc... but they will never be zero. Ditto for keeping a fire extinguisher and a lot of other things. The risk of an attack can be very, very small where you are, but they will never be zero. And DURING that attack, the risk is 100%.

Yes, there are risks and some work involved in keeping and using self defense tools, but the alternative can be life changing, even if not always life threatening. Learning optimal situational awareness and avoidance of places, people and activities that would make her more vulnerable would be better than nothing, for sure.

I had to shoot a man to save my life 30 years ago. Here's the story, if you can get her to read it. The Man I Might Have Killed | The Price of Liberty I've written a small book about it, and will send it free to anyone who asks for it. Just read the story for that information.

I carry a gun every day, everywhere I go - even though I live in rural Wyoming and the crime rate here is very, very low. It isn't zero, however. Three times in the last 8 years I have displayed my gun, without having to draw, and three potential muggers decided that this old lady was not actually a helpless victim. I refuse to be any kind of victim.

But, in the end, it is up to her. Challenge her with the truth, the real RISK factors, and then leave her alone to make up her own mind. That's really about all anyone can do.
 

farsidefan1

New member
My first suggestion is TREAD LIGHTLY MY FRIEND!


Divorce is pretty extreme. Gentle education will be much more cost effective :flirt: Someone OTHER than you should do the educating. Maybe a gun safety course for the family would be something she would respond to, especially if the instructor is female.
 

r1derbike

New member
What ifs are irrelevant. They are not worthy of discussion. They haven't happened, and likely won't if you and your wife work together on a gun safe routine. You admitted you were absent minded sometimes. Recipe for disaster. Bring your wife into a position of responsibility, where both of you check on each other about gun safety.

She would probably feel better being a significant part of your "protect your kids" plan of responsible gun ownership.

Ask her to quit being a slave to "what ifs", and both of you join hands to protect your family. Please.
 

telpinaro

New member
GOOD LUCK with your problem . There is only one thing i can think of that will work - - - D I V O R C E ! ! ! ! !
It's actually pretty smart to be extra cautious with special needs kids. She has a valid concern, and her husband is working on addressing it. Good for them.


The range trip is a good idea, but you probably don't have to surprise her. Make it a trip to learn about gun safety... if there's a range that teaches a course on safety, attend together. You'll be doing the responsible thing by the both of you learning as much as possible... and of course, since it's at a range, why not go shooting afterwards? Might as well try it since you're there! :wink:
 

telpinaro

New member
Avoid shooting her, her family, friends or pets.

That would be a deal breaker.
That is very true. Definitely shouldn't shoot any of those. And though not as important, I'd avoid shooting any particularly expensive appliances as well.
 

Deucemom

New member
I completely understand her thinking! But I see your point as well. In this day and time, you can never be too careful or even a little paranoid. My husband always told me I will not be a victim. So, I got to know firearms and eventually got my CC permit. I feel much safer, especially with my child, going places even when it's a little dark outside. The way I see it, if your wife is toting around the kids on errands, etc. (especially perhaps needing a little more time with your special needs children), she can't watch her back while she's taking care of the kids. She would have a firearm (and she can get a concealed holster; I don't recommend she carry in her purse. It needs to be on her for quickness in the event of a dangerous situation) to hopefully ward off someone trying to attack her or, God forbid, carjacking while the kids are still in the car. I know these are scary situations and people don't like to think about them, but we must be prepared. She may not ever need to fire it, but it's there in hopes of scaring away the scarer! The risk of her NOT carrying while out (or even at home), I believe, is greater than the children getting a hold of the weapon. The only instances I have ever read about where a child got a hold of a gun is because a stupid parent just left it out. If you have a safe (and everyone should have one even if there's no children in the house), I believe you'll remember to lock it away. I would recommend a safe with a dial lock; not a digital lock. Children are smart and if they somehow get a hold of those numbers, a digital safe is much easier to open. Combination safes are a bit trickier in that you have to know a pattern to unlock it as well. I also recommend a separate safe for your ammo. I would also recommend you teach your children who don't have those special needs about firearm safety. My husband used to work with special needs people and their thinking is different, so I can see where it would be more difficult and dangerous to teach them firearm safety. If your 12 year old does not have special needs, take him/her to the firing range. He/she should be old enough depending on where you live. I hope some of this helps. If not, let me know and I'll talk with my husband. Good luck to ya :smile:
 

cds0699

New member
I haven't read the whole thread, so it may have been mentioned, but have you given any thought to maybe making a compromise and keep the ammo locked up in a totally separate location... Such as a family members home? Keep essential magazines locked in a car safe, lock the car, then lock the gun in the gun safe. Then when leaving for the day, retrieve your carry piece, get in the car, load the mag and be on your way. Store the rest of the ammo at a family members home.

Of course this is a hassle but may be a worthwhile compromise for a few years till your kids become adults.

Sent from my HTCONE using Tapatalk
 

p2b4f

New member
Does she think it's a good idea to wait until the house is burning to buy insurance? The chances of the house burning are extremely small, especially with good maintenance, etc... but they will never be zero. Ditto for keeping a fire extinguisher and a lot of other things. The risk of an attack can be very, very small where you are, but they will never be zero. And DURING that attack, the risk is 100%.
She's actually quite sensible about that kind of stuff. I think she just sees guns in a different light. Insurance is about paying money for a service in the event of disaster. Guns, even though she recognizes that people who've had them were lucky they did, are about potentially taking a person's life and/or the risks of losing one's child to an "accident", so she thinks of them differently.

Yes, there are risks and some work involved in keeping and using self defense tools, but the alternative can be life changing, even if not always life threatening. Learning optimal situational awareness and avoidance of places, people and activities that would make her more vulnerable would be better than nothing, for sure.
We could definitely work more on that independent of discussing guns. The "Knockout Game" stuff is a good topic starter, i.e. make sure you are looking around you at all times and planning an avoidance/defense/exit strategy if someone tries to punch you out.

I had to shoot a man to save my life 30 years ago. Here's the story, if you can get her to read it. The Man I Might Have Killed | The Price of Liberty I've written a small book about it, and will send it free to anyone who asks for it. Just read the story for that information.

I carry a gun every day, everywhere I go - even though I live in rural Wyoming and the crime rate here is very, very low. It isn't zero, however. Three times in the last 8 years I have displayed my gun, without having to draw, and three potential muggers decided that this old lady was not actually a helpless victim. I refuse to be any kind of victim.

But, in the end, it is up to her. Challenge her with the truth, the real RISK factors, and then leave her alone to make up her own mind. That's really about all anyone can do.
Thanks for sharing your story. I'd like a copy of your ebook. I'll email you. Not sure how well your situation maps to ours regarding place and distance from L.E., but I get that those things aren't always directly related. Crime is crime regardless of how far or close the cops are. I need to find more local stories of self defense, if I can, and share them with her. She did just post the graphic below to Facebook in agreement with its message, so maybe there's a chance.

View attachment 10773
 

p2b4f

New member
Maybe. Thing is, that kind of defeats the purpose of having the weapon at the ready in case of home invasion. It's something to consider, though, as a compromise toward a gradual opening up to the idea.
 

p2b4f

New member
Toting with the kids is definitely not going to be her thing in the near future. If she ever accepts the idea, it'll be me carrying and only when I don't have certain (or any) kids with me. Like I noted, she says she has a very "vivid imagination" about what at least one of our kids could do. Grabbing it out of my belt and yelling "BANG BANG" while pulling the trigger is a very real possibility to her with him. The other is so angry sometimes, and has a rather large chip on his shoulder toward me for personality reasons (teenagers!), and his impulse control when he's in that state of mind is a legendary zero. Even I could imagine him "having enough" and pulling it away from me to threaten me or use it on me.

As someone else mentioned in the thread, maybe I just need to wait a bit longer until the (two) kids are more mature and hopefully don't have so many behavioral issues.
 

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